Darkening sky

    "That tree's gonna bend that way and it'll break in half."
    A man was sitting on that bench, talking to himself.  A boy behind him, swinging on a swing while looking up at the sky with his face full of wonders and crumpled to figure out something on his mind.  The boy push his arms forward to gain momentum and height while all the he concetrated on that piece of thinking, shown on his face.  The skies were darkened on one side of the park, starting from the north, it was coming here and rain was invetable.  There was no seasons here like the west and the weather was either hot, damp or raining.  The weather girl got it right for once.
    The man was looking at the field of trees at the other side of the park, statues that bend this way and that, impaled by the wind's feelings and commands.  It blew until the man closed into him, the cold temperature making everything numbed starting from his legs because he was only wearing sneakers without socks.  His face, a set of oval eyes and a quirked mouth, makes lemon look sweet.  His day was only beginning when the mood started to shape the events of his day ahead.  He has a growing beard on his chin.
    "Hey mister," a small voice came from behind.
    The man looked back without turning his body and saw the boy, out off his swing.  He was wearing shorts and a shirt, too big for his size.
    "I've never seen you before.  Who are you?" the boy asked.
    "Didn't your mother ever thought you not to speak with strangers, kid?"
    The boy swiped a hand across his nose.  He looked undisturbed by the comment.  They stared at each other for some while before the wind blew a hard one and leaves waved into being from the side.
    "Go back home, kid.  There's gonna be a storm," the man said.
    "What's your name, mister?"
    "Do I have to tell you?"
    "Well..."
    "Fine, fine.  Name's Howard.  Just Howard,"
    "My name's Randy.  Nice to meet you, Just Howard,"
    "No.  Not Just Howard.  Howard, that's it,"
    "Oh..."
    Howard spun his head back in position and looked upward.  His eyes, two holes of worried mirrors, trying to seek out answers within the swirling clouds up ahead.  The wind was blowing hard and the clouds were all but covered the area.  The park was abandoned but with both of them.  The place was reserved at a back field of a quite a city, a growing city at least.  It was seldom used by the residents except the ones that frequent the place.  Howard doesn't even know what's the name of place.  He was just passing through. A man with a goal that was just going through the city.
    "It's cold," Randy said.
    "Yes, it is."
    Randy jumped forward, in front of the man.  His face was still filled with puzzlement as he looked at the man's clothes, from top to bottom.  His own feet were covered by nothing but slippers.  He doesn't look clean at all.
    "Got a problem?" Howard asked.
    "No,"
    "Then stop staring,"
    "Where are you from, mister?"
    "A very far place,"
    "You come here to find jobs like my dad?"
    "No.  I just came here because I want to go to the next place,"
    "Why don't you use a car?"
    "Because I don't know how to use one, alright?  Now, stop asking things and go home."
    The boy just stood there, refusing to budge.
    Howard had had enough, though.
    "I'll shout if you touch me," the boy took a step back when Howard stood up.
    "I'm not going to do anything to you.  Just step back.  Someone's coming and he's not happy," Howard looked into the trees ahead of him.  The wind was blowing very hard by now.  As if it was blowing with fury and it was directed to Howard.  His clothes flapped from the winds violently.  There was a tinge in the air that felt like sparks.  Howard's face is a jungle of frown and in his guts, he knew this would happen someday or soon enough.  It was a matter of time and place, though.
    "Howard, you're not going home?" the boy said, looking up.
    "I ain't got no place to go home, kid.  It was destroyed long ago,"
    "Why?"
    "Because someone said to the sky and cursed it.  Lightning splashed and death came from above.  The man was the only one who survived but with a curse and a gift.  He would remain young forever and immortal but as long as he lives, he would be hunted down by storms, rains and typhoons,"
    "I don't understand,"
    "Simply said.  I cursed the sky and the sky is very mad at me.  So, if you could please stay behind me."
    The boy did that because by now, lightning was flashing up there, striking each other like spirits would fight like legends from a long time before.  Roaring like wild animals, the mists above made the the city below a battlefield and once or twice, the world was seen through negative lenses.  Somewhere in the distance, a wolf howled from the mountain ranges in the west.  Wind scarred the trees, doubling themselves on their trunks and they themselves make screeching noises as they rubbed against each other, straining to hold on with their roots in the hard ground.  A man appeared beneath the scalps.
    "Rilzen.  I finally caught up with you," the man whispered and the wind did the same.
    "There's a boy here, and a city down there.  Can we do this some place else?"
    Howard's face was a mask.  His voice shook a little but he held the ground.  The boy was holding onto his legs, his feelings letched from the man.  He felt afraid.  Now all he wanted was to be somewhere else.  His hair stood on end and sparks were clearly seen now, between the hairs on his head and the brows of his eyes.
    "Hmm?  You never told me you have a son, Zen," the man walked forward, seemingly to glide.  His eyes went to the boy at the other man's legs and swiftly came back up.  His smile was murderous.
    "He's not mine.  We don't need a misunderstanding here,"
    "Of course we don't.  I'm here to kill you and that far is clear right?"
    "Yes, I know.  But can we do it somewhere else, please?"
    "For these mortals?  Well, fine by me.  I have a memory here too, don't want to spoil it with your image of defeat,"
    "Right."
    The wind blew hard once again and the man was gone.  But the sky was still furious, perhaps a missed battle made it more frustated.  More so to make things worse, it began to trickle, little pebbles of water formed out of nowhere and splashed towards dirt and leaves, making weird noises against the wind.  The city heaved once as thousands of people sighed and ran for cover.  The boy was still looking at the place where the other man had vanished with the winds.  His eyes were focused there, two bowls of wonder and a glint of fear.  But stood beside it was a glint of excitement.
    "Go home, kid.  It's raining," Howard reached down and patted the boy's head.
    "Who are you, really?" the boy looked up, shoving away the hand.
    "My real name is Rilzen but people call me Howard.  I lived here once, and it was my home.  That was thousands of years ago,"
    "Rilzen...,"  the boy squinted his eyes and tried to remember something.  A sense of familiarity came from the name.  He heard it before in a story told by his grandfather about gods that fought each other and spirits were living with men.  A legend about a snake and a river.
    The boy gasped loudly.
    "You're Rilzen, the Snake of the Yellow River!"
    Howard looked down and smiled.
    "Call me Howard."
    The rain hardened and the man was no longer there.
   

Rising mountain

Oh God, its been months since I have written anything here and I think NO ONE read this shit but still...

It's a place where I can write anything at all.

So, today we yet continue or journey into this head of mine.  See if the kicks are still there.

 And start.

    Rilzen wasn't the best man nor the best archer in the world, but he still wants to be as gentlemanly to others as much as he can and he can shoot about a whole lot of distance from the target.  His eyes weren't the prettiest but sometimes there was that glint inside his eyes that say, "I'm going to be the greatest!" even for a moment before the arrow hit the target and after he released the rock-pointed slick wood.  In this, he didn't really trust because he was just a village boy, aged 18, considered matured by most and childish but those to the ones that have raised him single-handedly from the times when he was still a babe.  It didn't came to him either that became one of those guys that looks at each other and could say rude things about each other and laugh out like it was nothing.  It didn't occur to him that he would've stayed in this village beneath a mountain's shadow, Huang's Grit it's name was and still, because he used to think about what's on the other side of the mountain and beyond

    A hunter, someone said he's going to be someday.  And yes, a hunter he had become for some while.  Hunting small snacks was usual for him and easy targets, his eyes could take up anything from the reflection of the sun on the sands that covered his village and surrounding to the eagle, seemingly a dotted speck in the sky.  A lot commended him on that but he still wasn't satisfied.  Part of him says that these are only small feats and the other just sits around and look at him expectingly.  He didn't really mind the other's praise but the other guy in his head that just gives him looks really bugged the hell out of him.

    His hair isn't blonde like the merchant's that sometimes pass through his home, and his eyes are brown, deep brown almost black, keeps him distanced from the merchants and other guys in the village, who have green or blue eyes.  It made him a little uncomfortable whenever the merchants would point out to him and ask about his origins.  And the girls weren't any better there.  Sure, they looked at him, and they giggled like mad hyenas, then they just walk away whenever he looks at them back.  He doesn't like that sometimes because they put him off balanced like an egg sitting on the surface of the lake.

    There was a lake near Huang's Grit, and it was simply named Likui's Mouth because of its deep-looking surface but rather shallow depth.  Time didn't keep away the Likui's Mouth surface, though because when they're droughts, and those are often here, the lake would just empty out.  But it never flooded here, so it was safe for the village to make homes that root themselves right into the earth like spikes.

    So it was considered a blessed place for most and paradise for some.  Rilzen never believed that.

    It was two weeks ago.  When news of danger came from the merchants that were passing their village.  There wasn't much of them that passes through the forest, Depeng's Forest it was called by the locals but it was considered Depeng's Wall by a lot of strangers because of it's thickness and there was no track there.  This particular merchant, his name was Tulj, was either mad or a really good person with maps to cross that forest.

    "Fever.  They call 'em Yellow Fever, over at the cities and whatnot.  These yellow spots came out of your skin everywhere but they don't itch.  Rather, everytime you touch 'em, it's like your skin just burns up.  And worse, you can't even move when it gotcha.  Take my advice, and move away from here.  This disease is spreading like wild fire," 

    "But where would we go?  The Spines are over to the west, Huang's just up front and you know it's impossible to hike that, and it'll take days to circle it and hunts are scarce,"

    "Figure it out! I'm just giving good words here! I don't really care about you small people but I don't want to see another village full of dead people," the merchant, all blond and blue eyes and silk around his body with a rapier at his side, says.  His voice wasn't soothing but there was something in his eyes that what he's saying is probably true.

    There was a lot of commotion after that.  The ones that lead the village, Ju Zin, Jing, and Koros, with the healer at their back and the women's own leaders, Wang, Kiuti and Nam Ling, they all just looked at each other and went off into Ju Zin's house.  Rilzen saw them just before he set off to one of his hunts that take him close to the mountain but never too far.  His bow and arrows, a broad sword and leather water-case were at their usual spots.

    Likui's Mouth wasn't dry and the weather was good and sunny.  The sun was looking at him from the northwest, evening was descending upon the land.  He could hear horses neigh when he set off.  Tulj, the merchant was really true to his words of not being a bother to the village.  His voice was a little giddy when the carriage finally went out of his sight.  

   Rilzen didn't really understand.  Diseases were never an enemy to him, just merely annoyances and Krak, the village's healer, would make him as good as any in perhaps just hours after she gave him one of those bitter things.  He never liked being in bed and sick at the same time but he couldn't really control what he couldn't see.

     "Hey, Zen!  Where are you going?" a voice called out to him from behind.

     His name was Kirin but everyone just calls him Rin.  He wasn't particularly clever but he could handle a sword as well as anyone in the village.  Rin was also a hunter but he belongs with his father's batch of hunters, the ones that set off to find big animals or pelts off some dangerous predator to make clothes.  Rin was especially good with the Kilik, his own crafted broad sword that have an upward curing edge and very sharp.  He's wearing it on even now.

    "To the mountains.  I need to get some fresh air," Zen was already stepping away.  Rin was clingy.

    "Hey, didn't you hear?  This disease thingy could be anywhere.  I think you better stay for tonight, right?" Rin said, still coming up at him.

  

And Pause.

God, I'm becoming really bad at this.  I need to get myself fixed up.  READ, DUDE, READ.

Gotta get back into reading.

Terry Pratchett FTW!

Faith

The key to want something and get it, is Faith.

Similarly to the so called Law of Attraction that science somehow explained, I have been mastering the same tactics and strategy that they have revealed and put into words since way before it came to be a book.

I have called it many names too.

I discovered it since I was 12, when I started to think and realized my environments.

This is how I put it:

To want something, is to believe that you already have it.  It's just not in your hand yet.

I have experimented with it a few times, and contrary to popular beliefs, I have made it possible to make myself to think about it positively and always. We need to focus.

You want an apple.  And that apple is not with you now.

By applying belief in the notion that you ALREADY HAVE the apple, you just made your wish came true.  It will eventually come to you in time, depending on your belief.

The stronger that feeling of 'wanting' it and the more belief that you put into this theory, the better the chances are that you are gonna get it.  Here's my way of doing exactly this:

I trust myself to be truthful to myself.  Get it?  Possibly, no.
You've gotta trust yourself to tell yourself the truth.
If you say you want an apple, but inside you really do not trust your mouth. "I want an apple... 'but seriously, how do i get it?'"
Boom, you can end your dreams right there and then.
Is it a lie?  Depends on what you would call a lie.  A lie is the untruthful which means you're not telling the truth but something else.  Is believing a lie, then?  No.  It's what you envision yourself to get.

Mind you.  It's not about the PERIOD OF TIME that you are going to get it.  YOU ALREADY GET IT WHEN YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVE GOTTEN IT.

It's about how does it come to you.

The apple, when you say that you want it and you believe that you already have it, may come in forms of, say, an apple pie, an apple candy, an apple core, a sign depicting an apple, a book about apple, an iphone, a macbook, or even something gotta do with Isaac Newton.

This is where vision comes in.

You have gotta make it CLEAR that the apple you want is truly the real fruit.  Not anything else.  Get a picture of an apple, or imagine it, then state clearly that you already have the fruit and it is coming to you in a form of a fruit.

"An apple.  I want an apple, and I want it in the form of the fruit and something that I can eat."

Done.

Here's a tip that I usually do when I want to envision something.
Get a song.
It has to be motivational or happy.
Imagine the apple is in your hands and you eating it.
At the same time, play the song.
Rinse and repeat.

Seriously people, the only thing that's blocking you from getting anything you want is actually how you think about the thing you want.

I have wanted a friend that I could share anything with.

"I want a friend that I can tell my secrets and not be shy with.  I don't care what he looks like but I want to talk to him and tell everything that I want to him."

Indeed, I got a friend.

You might call me crazy but... he's an imaginary friend.

Go on.  Laugh.

But he helped a lot.  Not just one friend, though.  About 8 of them.

I don't see them in the real world or through my eyes, but rather I talk to them in my head and they will answer me back but not in words but a guts feeling.

I usually talk to Dante.  Yes, he's the demon hunter of that game.
I usually ask him which way should I go, which items should I buy, how am I going to take this exam?  And so on and so forth.

It was perhaps... the first thing that I have wished since I was awakened.

I value all of them.

Faith is something very powerful.  Mind your words, because they are the words that you put yourself to trust in.  Say that you are a genius, you will be someday.  Say that you going to hate this job, oh you will.

This... I will come to say as the power of prayer.  In my religion, it is called Doa.

Ask.  Go on, ask.  He'll give it to you, but you have gotta believe that He WILL give it to you.

People usually ask for something in their prayers.  Health, long life, a family, money, an answer, a solution, a place in Heaven, forgiveness.

But do you believe that He will give it to you?

Is Facebook my undoing?

I am not so sure anymore if I should use the Social Network for social things.

There are several reasons that I would like to point out and they are reasonable enough that I trust my instincts to reveal them.

    First up, I do not see the point of having like 200 friends but none of them are even close to me.  Sure, they are like 5 to 10 people that I personally like and talk all the time with but that is far as it gets.  Talking in the chat seems a lot of fun, because for me personally for a loner, I do not like to speak face to face or eye to eye.  I have a disability to talk eye to eye for one, I do not know why but I just could not see their eyes without seeing all the lies they are saying right in front of my face and I have to hold on to my consciousness not to slap the other person.  I do not hate lies but when they tell them in such a direct manner, my belly will convulse and my limbs will try to run away from that conversation.  So, first reason would be is because why use such an indirect manner of revealing your thoughts and reasons when you can simply talk in them upfront.

    Secondly, people compare themselves.  Whenever I open that website and looked at all the cool things that others had done, I thought I was the only one not in the happening and it seemed that I am wasting my life away on studying and taking care of my family.  They have such interesting life and I am the only one trying to make head or tail with it, but seeing that as a personal trait of mine, I leave it a second rate reason.  The first rate would be that whenever people look at other people, they usually thought up the weakness upon themselves and became totally obsessed in making it as quiet as possible.  Leaving my own experiences aside, doesn't people always say that you are you and what people think are nothing but illusions that will just slow us down?  Then this social network is indeed that cloudy grey screen in my eyes and perhaps others.  They are those who deny this, but no one can truly know your own weaknesses but rather of their own makings.

    Thirdly, it is not a waste of our time to display a conscious part of ourselves but it may be relevant to point out that the side you may be pointing at is not what you decide to show, but the traits that you so called have no intention with and none other than you could understand.  It's a futile attempt to explain it in simple words.  Here's an idea.  What if you write down in your status update, "I love Bumblebee in the Transformers!"  For people like myself who are observant of what people are saying and how they say it, I would call you an avid attention whore.  Excuse my French.  Instead, what you really are trying to say is actually what you are trying to say which is you like a certain robotic alien with a dis-functional voice box and could transform into a sports car with black stripes.  Or you could say that you really are an avid transformers fan.  People look at you differently when they read your statutes.  And more if that person knows you in real life.

    I wouldn't say this is like a declaration that I do not like Facebook or other social sites but people are missing what we are truly trying to say.  There's a huge percentage of what we are actually trying to say comes from our body language and for other people to understand truly what is trying to be transferred from you to themselves, body language plays a huge part in it.  Social networks teach us to talk efficiently and reveal our feelings verbally, but that counts up only to certain part of the information that we truly want to access.

    It seemed hard to reveal what you are tying to say for years, but this is truly what I see in Facebook.  It is good in receiving data and statuses of other strangers but in order to truly know someone and to truly perceive information, one must be in direct contact of the other person and not just through a virtual medium.  I made relationships, not THAT kind but a lot of kind, and until now, I have made countless break outs of other people's true feelings through words alone.  But in reality, they are not what I perceive they are.  They feel safe behind an IP address and thus, their mental defense goes down.  I can break through quite easily but what's behind those walls are not everything.

    This is not an essay or a declaration.  It is what it is, just another post.  It may be stupid or clever, I don't know but these are what I want to say.

    I just want to make sure that I am good at something.  A lot of people in my life are good or special in some way.  A girl have the ability to see pureness in almost everything while a boy have won countless football matches.  I cannot play sports because of my asthma and I cannot feel what other feel because I always ask 'why?'  Others cannot write stories that I wrote, and others cannot find out what others are truly saying just by looking at their hands and the way they talk.  But I cannot reveal these to others while others can just write them down in their statuses and shits and people cheer them.  I feel like shit when I see that.

     I cannot show what I have in my mind.

     So what if my specialty is exactly there?

    Nobody reads this because it's too long.

    Therefore, I need to do this spacing shit.

    So people will actually READ something at all.

    I want to show my strengths but what if my strengths are actually destroying people's minds and smashing out other's thoughts?

    I can't do shit when it's like that.

    Shit.

Koiwai's a good guy.  I want to be like him someday.

Small figurines

    It had been, what, 21 years?
    He had left the only home and property that he had been given down to by his parents and ancestors since he was a child.  He was only about 2 at the time.  It was a complicated story that no one that he knew as family or relating seemed want to hear it out or even speak of it.  Their memories seemed to deteriorate even further when those relatives become distanced and the families that he had seemed to reveal the adoption as a part of a long aged friendship that has died away with the other person.  The only memories of said person became what had given this man, now alone in the whole world, 21 years to live as a normal human being, given a place to sleep, food on a plate, and education that had lasted until college.
    The adopted family that he got wasn't as bad as what others had said it would.  When he was 6, his so-called father revealed the secret himself, but part of the little kid knew inside him that he didn't belong there, with different hair colour, different kind of toes, different kind of thoughts.  He wasn't surprised neither was he was filled with anguish.  Didn't think much then. he continued on, nodding all the while, thinking it was a no biggie.
    At 18 years of age, he came to realize he had owed his whole life to that "father."  He thanked him for what he had done.  Again, he was not surprised when the man revealed another so-called secret.  The teenage boy knew that his father was an engineer and his mother, a doctor.  What he didn't know was they were working together on a project.  A project that had cost themselves and the man's own life, much.  Excluding the only boy they had, their whole property were hidden away from the eyes of the public, said to be necessary for the project, at the time half-done, so as to preserve it's secrecy.
    He didn't care for any of those things.
    Now, 23 years old after the parents that had given birth to him were gone, he had come back to where he used to live for 2 years of his earliest life.
    The old house was made of stone and the roof were tiles, but the surrounding were forests within forests.  It was abandoned since who knows when. even before he was born.  He took a step inside the gate.
    The wind didn't blew but he felt a chill inside him.  He had walked these same steps long ago.  No, of course he can't remember the exact same scene but something inside him was telling him, urging him, to go inside the house.  It wasn't an eerie nor it was a random feeling.
    Inside the house...
   

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Continue this... I DARE YA.

I was writing this in the middle of the night with the lights off... so.... yeah......

Now i cant sleep.

~_____~

Shit.