Characters

Thank you, the 'other' person. Haha. Well, at least I know I'm not the only one typing things up. But to post it here, is to know that your posts has very slim chance they're going to be read. Write at your own risk. Here, you can say anything you want without any kind of judgement, because I know the people who read here do not have any judgement. Please continue on, because it feels lonely sometimes here.

    In the world of stories, imagination, the virtual world inside our heads, there will always be another you.  That you is the main character of so much things in life.  He sees what you see, and you talk to him, considering on how to judge the situation. Some of us discuss with him openly, some discreet,  and a lot others do not even realize it. But that one character that you ultimately wound up using in any kind of story, the one that you like the most, is you.

    I do not mean to brag or sound arrogant; I never did want anything of the sort. The feelings I've shown to other people makes them wary of me. Rest assured I found out about this a long time ago, and since then my parents have been the subject of my tests. Show a little bit of anger, and this happens. Show a little bit of excitement, and that happens. I adapt. When the situation demands excitement, I'll show it, albeit not keep it. So it has been for a long time. And I am adapting to the situation I'm in. The feelings you show to other people, is how other people will look at you.

    Thus, we reflect ourselves within our words. We use our own personal traits that we consider unique and special to template them into the main character, or a sub character that you seem really fond of.  These kinds of persona in your stories always seem to make an impact in the smallest way possible. Sometimes, the hero needs a push to do things, and you will provide him with it. Some other times, the world just need to realize that it's in danger, and you will give it danger. In our own ways, we are imagining who really want to be in the world. Most of the time, it is not who we are.

    In the stories that I've posted, its always present. The kind of person I want to be. A hero the world doesn't need. But most of the time, small things move that resilience in me. People who are popular, have many friends, who always seem to be on top of things. They always seem so happy and people appreciate them for that. The feelings they show, people like it. As for me, when I am being happy most of the time I'm with someone special, or when I am enjoying the day, or just simply because I've reminded myself of that day. There are only one person present besides me, and never with a whole crowd who would share such joy. The joy of opening a new game. The joy of finding a way to make a sword. The joy you have when you know there is only one person that will read this. Or two.

    If I tell you how many characters I have in my head, you will not believe it. The amount of person that I want to be, the feelings that I want to show. They manifest themselves into a character in a book, a story that who knows will be told or not. Even if they are written down, will people read them? Will people understand the things that a piece of imagination wrote? That is the fate that has been passed down to this blog. The entries left to dust and spiders, the feelings inside them rot till they turn to sand. I pity them. Indeed I do. I try to keep them alive, but day by day the voices crowd in my head, this spark inside my chest seem to overwhelm me. I cannot keep up. Some will die, some others hide.

    Fenrir, Ledge, L.E.G., Fate, Aegis, Tenji Nakamura, Hash, Jake Freelancer, Clerics Aceal, Howard, Rilzen, Alvuin, Andyanne, Lilith, Virtual, Abyss, Greed, Wrath, Michael, Kyle Wanderer, Garroth, Merc, Dean, Marcus, Fred, Vivian, The Doctor, The Lady, Raatul, The Ju Squad, Kotaro, Morphus, Jynx, Salokhnir, Greandal, Lust, Felix Haais, Michael Ragnarok, Captain Suleiman, Aisha, Brian White, Kaiser, Dee Dee, Viral, Ashe, Julius, The Sword Guy, Sword Bearer, Cursed Swordsman, The Merchant, Bazaar, Prince Jun, Hector, The Spy Company, Helgard, that gravity girl who plays the band, the other fire girl who plays the guitar, the water girl who leads as the vocal, Vector, Lynx.
So many people. So many voices. This does not include the ones who are yet to be named. They all demand a page in a story.

      I can go on to describe what I feel but it will take another 10 pages to do so. I am not good at explaining. How do you explain the sensation of ignorance when you are blessed with such gift and the anger that it has been given to you without the determination and the resilience in order keep said gift? Mix them up with a little bit of sadness and a little happy that I am useful in a way. And came the uselessness of such things. Simple people, simple feelings. Once, I would've given anything to be like that. Once.

    The world knows not the contents of my heart. It doesn't need to.

Untitled Love Story

This is the first time I am writing on this blog besides the 'other' person. Since there has been fantasy adventure story in this blog, I am making a change today. For now on, I will write a very interesting love story. Let's all hope everything goes well shall we?

He was walking down the corridor of his class. The first week of the new semester had just begun yet, he was burdened with tons of assignments. Jake never minded assignments before as long as it doesn't involve people. It's not like he had an allergy with people or anything but he just doesn't really know how to interact with them. To be safe from humiliating himself, he always kept to himself.

" I wonder what I should say during the club meeting " Jake kept thinking. Lines after lines he tried to make up but everything seemed like it was not right. Not 'perfect' enough. Giving a speech on the first club meeting was sure becoming a headache for him. Sure, he was the president of the Art Club. But he was only selected as one because one of his picture won an award on the National Art Competition for three years in a row. But that doesn't make him a good speaker.

It was hectic when he entered the room. People were talking here and there.

" How am I gonna talk? It's like the whole campus is here " Jake asked.

" Chill man. It's not the whole campus. You just think it's the whole campus. Besides, we got a lot more freshmen this year than last." said Matt.

Though Matt is entirely different in character than Jake, he was the only person that Jake ever feel comfortable with. And the only person he ever responds to. Maybe because Matt never think he's weird for being alone all the time in the art studio. But being Matt, he has always been a cheerful and friendly person. His personality, added with his good looks and his height made him the centre of the spotlight, especially among the girls. He didn't have an artist's hand though but he joined the art club anyway and Jake never knew why.

'You need someone to take care of you' Matt always says to him whenever Jake asked for his reasons for joining the club.

Jake stood at the front and tried to get attention.

"Umm.. Hello everyone.. "

Hoping everyone would be quiet and listen but alas, nobody ever does.

"Yo! Shut up guys! The president's gonnna say something" yelled Matt, seeing nobody is actually paying attention to Jake.

"Umm.. Thank you Matt.. Umm... I am Jake Summers. I am the president of this club. And today, we are going to discuss this year's club agenda."

It was like forever for Jake. As much as he wanted to finish the meeting early, the new members kept asking him unrelated questions which made him quite uneasy. Who would ask their president if he ever went or a date or does he prefer pasta or macaroni for a birthday present. Though the questions seemed silly, Jake answered them. He guessed they just like asking him stupid questions to irritate him or something since he barely show any expressions when talking. Luckily Matt was there to stop them.

" OK guys! That's enough. The president is tired and he has tons of work to do"
" Like what? " asked a boy sitting at the back.
" Like finding an inspiration. You all should start looking for one too if you ever want your artwork to be nominated on the National Art Competition. If not for the competition, at least you will get some extra credit if the campus likes your artwork and hang them. That way, you can reward yourself with a five minute fame then" said Jake a little annoyed.

     Though he meant it, not all members usually take seriously when he say something. But he doesn't really care. But a girl far in the corner did pay attention to everything he said. From the moment he walked up to the room, till the moment he left.It was so weird to think that a guy like him could have the hands of an angel. Normally, artists are all shabby and looked as if they haven't taken a shower or something. But Jake was different. He was well groomed and very neat. His sense of fashion can also be praised. If not for his attitude, he would be Mr. Perfect for her.

     Judy wanted her artwork to be hanged on the wall of the campus. She wanted her artwork to be nominated in the National Art Competition. Not to sound greedy but she wanted her artwork to won an award or something. She had loved to paint since she was six. Her mother was a famous painter and was very well known. She usually goes off to another country for her exhibition and Judy would follow her. Sometimes, she would follow her mother to the park or other places where they would paint together. But that was years ago. Judy's mother had died of cancer when she was just fourteen. And since that day, she had never wanted to paint ever again.
 
     It has been a very long time since she painted. But it all changed when Judy when she saw a picture Jake had painted when she was at the National Art Exhibition. To others, it was just some paint splattered together on a canvas but to her, she saw more. She saw the artist's feeling. His anger, his sadness, his happiness and his confusion. It was as clear as crystal to her. And just by seeing the artwork, she immediately fell in love with the artist though she had never meet him before. And so, she tried her best to enter the same college as the artist.

Day 1 - A Cold Start

Raatul in her grace

    So, tonight, I got started with our character, the female Bosmer archer with Legolas style. Now, to say the least, the Bosmer people are wood elves, relative of the Altmer, high elves. They came from Valenwood, somewhere west? I don't really know but they are the wood people of Tamriel. Now, as I go along I would explain what mod I'm using and so on. The picture of Raatul above is far from the vanilla one. I used CBBE - Caliente's Big Bottom Edition mod. A body mod for female and I chose the Curvy set. Because who doesn't like boobs? Anyways, I also installed Sporty Sexy Sweat body texture, providing a sexy glisten on Raatul's body... currently unseen because she's wearing clothes. I assure you, when I unequip them, you will definitely see the sweat... You may also notice the hair mod, ApachiiSkyHair. Because females need to look fabulous. As for the face, I go for Bella's Beauty mod that makes the whole feminine face. Trust me, the vanilla female either look like guys or old women. Another mod in the pic is also FNIS - Fores' New Idles, which gives her the pose there, like a model. I like short women but to be more lore friendly, Bosmer are generally high, like the other elves, so I gave her the vanilla height. One last mod in the pic is the Alternate Start - Live Another Life mod that gives you options other than the vanilla one for you to start your adventure.

If you see the statue there, you've a good eye. That's the Temple of Azura.

  

    I sort of chose the "I was attacked and left for dead" option, and I got this place. Snowy... way north and between two cities, Dawnstar and Winterhold. But I'm not going there. The main storyline starts when you go to Helgen, a village wayyyy south of here. By the way, in the picture above, I used Climates of Tamriel, because I love how the author makes the sky looks so wonderful. I tried Realistic Lighting Overhaul but since the new update, everything was either too bright or too dark. Talking about snow, I also installed Frostfall, a survival mod that I love. I mean, Skyrim is a snowy region of Tamriel and well... let's say you're supposed to die if you don't have much protection and preparation to face the cold climate.  Another mod, also running in the background is Realistic Needs and Diseases, which makes you EAT and DRINK and SLEEP like a normal human being. Right now, I have to get out of this cold, before I freeze to death.

Frickin mammoth... almost killed me

    I walked around towards South and found some dead adventurer's bones. There were some armors there, so I took them. But on my way down, there was this one huge mammoth blocking the only way. In order to get south, I have to either a) scale the mountain or b) use a huge cleavage between the mountains. I chose b) and there it was... the mammoth, blocking the way. I had no choice but to just charge through and hopefully outrun the mammoth. It got me once but thanks to the bit pieces of armor I found, I survived. Clothing isn't much of a protection against a mammoth. In this picture, I used several other mods. First, it's the Cloaks of Skyrim mod that gives Skyrim some much needed cloaks and capes in order to survive Skyrim, works great with Frostfall. Another one is the Dual Sheath Redux, which places the shield on my back instead of me holding it. It also makes the left handed weapon appear on your body, useful for dual bladers out there. I prefer Sword & Shield myself but for this run, I'll have to use dual sabers.

Nightgate Inn - a place of warmth

    Luckily, I found an inn called the Nightgate Inn. With this, I can finally increase my Exposure Resistance, so I don't die from cold. Nothing much to say about this inn, there's this drunk guy always there and the innkeeper, some bald old guy who inherited the inn from his predecessors. Anyway, there's not much to say about mods in the pic but it is safe to say that I am using Immersive HUD, IHUD that lets me control what to display on my HUD. Currently for a more realistic experience, I disabled the crosshair. So, using my bows are going to be harder......

    Yup. A jester, transporting his sweet dead mother to a new crypt. I found him when I entered the Southern region of Skyrim, as you can see with the green and warm climate. Let's just say, I helped him with his broken cart, getting help from a farm nearby, and he paid me 250 gold just for that. Wow. Anyways, I quickly got out of there because who knows what's in that big box of his. For all you know, he's transporting contraband. Weapons. Skooma (read: drugs). I stumbled into the Eastern fort of Whiterun, on the way and I saw some bandits patrolling that area. Since, I am still level 1 and only have like 60 HP, I quickly decided to let the guards handle them. The fort had 3 men stationed there, so I had to lure the bandits close to the fort and WHAM, guards with their crossbows quickly killed the 3 bandits with ease. I looted all three of the bandits and got new gears; fur armors, and a broadsword. At last, a weapon. I made my way onward to my first waypoint, Whiterun, city of trade and the center of Skyrim.

Dragonreach - Jarl of Whiterun's palace

       That's Raatul in fur armor and broadsword on her back. I am using Immersive Animations mod to go along with Dual Sheath Redux and also XP32 Maximum Skeleton, so I can get the swords to be on my back. The Dragonreach is in Whiterun, by looking at it I have to circle around the hill to get to the entrance.

Katixas' Cider House

    So on the way to Whiterun, I found another great mod. Katixas' Cider House provides the player, i.e. you, to run a cider house. It provides apple trees, cider press, a restaurant, a house, and waitresses for you. It can also generate extra income and you don't even have to be there to get money! A great mod for those who wants to be more of a businessman in Skryim than an adventurer. I quickly got in and get ahold of the house, plucked some apples from the apple trees there, and pop them into the machine.

Cider Press

    The cider house would give me some initial income, in case I want to wait for a whole week to get the cider prepared but who knows. I may need some money to buy equipments. Anyways, it's 3:05 A.M. and I need to get to sleep. We'll continue this tomorrow and see what happens to Raatul, the Bosmer archer.

    Now, after this, I will start writing the adventure in a first person mode. Meaning, it will be a story based on Raatul's perspectives, with her own characteristics, preferences and attributes. I will try to get Raatul to become one full fledged character and somehow get you to know about Skyrim and modding more...

P.S. I had to restart once because there was something wrong with a save and I quickly found out that you do NOT push the Grass fade too high because laptops aren't supposed to handle such high processing. Oh, and for those who are wondering... Raatul's name came from a certain... person that has a special place in my heart. It also means queen (Ratu), in malay.

Skyrim Adventure

It is 11:01 P.M. on a Wednesday night, looking at the invisible stars in my hostel window. I am eating chicken, with spices, that my roommate has blackmailed me to buy, two bags of them, and I know it is unhealthy to eat at this late hour but hell... I won't let good chickens go to waste. It was at this hour, I congratulated myself for having The Elder Scrolls V : Skyrim : Legendary edition. I bought it for a good RM200+ and it was the most worth it purchase I have ever made. This game just adds spice to an already good seasoned life of mine. Every new start, it completely changes, except of course the main storyline, but Skyrim has never ceased to amaze me with random encounters, bandits, cats that talk, assassins trying to kill me for some reason I never know, weird and funny bugs and glitches, and of course... the dragons.

    So, it was at this time that I found a mod. A mod is a modification to the game that players add. In it's core, Skyrim is beautiful. Except when you're running a PC. It's a console-oriented game and consoles are not PC. The Xbox 360 is a good console, but even it's successor cannot match the power of a PC. It just can't. Not even the PS4. I'm not going into details about this but essentially, consoles are worth it's processing power but it sucks at graphics processing. That's why Skyrim on a PC looks like a PS2 version of Crysis 3. That's why Bethesda thought, "Well... we made the game.... but it kinda sucks on PC. Hell to that, I'm not going through that again." And then they made the CK, Creation Kit, for Skyrim.

    CK is the GUI for adding things, or deleting, to or from Skyrim. Believe me, a lot of people has gone into making Skyrim but in the 2 weeks of Skyrim release, there's already some billion copies of it sold. Therefore, the power of the user comes in action. CK has made it possible for a lot of Dovahkiin to make Skyrim their own unique place. You can... add people, make more houses, make everything looks more beautiful, modify appearances, making nude females, add new systems, FIX BUGS AND GLITCHES, deleting things that cause bug and glitches, make you look badass, add new spells or shouts, make a new interface, gives Skyrim some penises (not too much thank you UGH WHO WANTS TO SEE THAT), make children killable (nobody's immortal in the game... except you), add lingeries, make new enemies, transform into dragons, make everything super big, and of course... makes everything harder and more realistic. In vanilla (read: original) Skyrim, you don't have to sleep, eat or drink for the whole adventure unless you want to. That's not how a human behave. Not even Dovahkiin.

    Therefore, I have installed 208 mods (and counting) to my Skyrim. It has transformed Skyrim into Skyrim-how's-it-supposed-to-be. I made females look better, males actually look like males, reptiles do not suddenly have invisible heads when you decapitate them, and enemies now don't stand around like punch bags waiting for me to kill them. I love it how SkyRe gives meaning to play as a Breton. Summoning 10 fire atronachs in 30 seconds is fucking cool. And overpowered MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA. I love Bretons. They don't just make the cutest females in the game but summoners are the first classes I look forward to in any game. In SW2, as Mitsunari Ishida always say, "I let you do all the work, while I take all the credits."

Fire atronach = Hot Lady on fire

   In any case, the purpose of this post is not just to give a general good idea of Skyrim and it's hundreds of thousands of mods, but also to make an announcement for my first ever project for this fricking blog. I think I have installed as many mods as possible and it's actually time to actually PLAY the damn thing. There will be say... few restarts as I try to balance 200+ mods in an already fragile game (I'm looking at you Papyrus), but I will try to make it at a minimum. I've made thousands of characters for testing Skyrim and I only made it to Alduin ONCE. God. I feel so ashamed of myself right now.

So... I've played Bretons and summoners too much and now to switch to a different play style of wood elves and archers. I like bows and arrows but I am really going into the Legolas sort of play style. Bows and two sabres. With SkyRe, this is possible. Except that Wood Elves, Bosmers, are among the weakest playthrough anyone can get, until you get crossbows. With that, even dragons can fall easily.

    Now... in the next few posts I will try to update as much as possible of my Bosmer playthrough of Skyrim. Here's to... Raatul, the female Bosmer archer, and her companions, Lydia and Faendal. Of course, when you go with a playthrough of Hard dificulty and Expert on Deadly Dragons, shit just ain't gonna happen. It's going to be a norm for me to flip shit up and it's up to my Housecarl and Archer to fix things for me.

P.S. Actually when I look back, I always have this "ultimate triforce" in my playthrough. Tank, Damage, and Support. Thank you for that Final Fantasy.