Faith

The key to want something and get it, is Faith.

Similarly to the so called Law of Attraction that science somehow explained, I have been mastering the same tactics and strategy that they have revealed and put into words since way before it came to be a book.

I have called it many names too.

I discovered it since I was 12, when I started to think and realized my environments.

This is how I put it:

To want something, is to believe that you already have it.  It's just not in your hand yet.

I have experimented with it a few times, and contrary to popular beliefs, I have made it possible to make myself to think about it positively and always. We need to focus.

You want an apple.  And that apple is not with you now.

By applying belief in the notion that you ALREADY HAVE the apple, you just made your wish came true.  It will eventually come to you in time, depending on your belief.

The stronger that feeling of 'wanting' it and the more belief that you put into this theory, the better the chances are that you are gonna get it.  Here's my way of doing exactly this:

I trust myself to be truthful to myself.  Get it?  Possibly, no.
You've gotta trust yourself to tell yourself the truth.
If you say you want an apple, but inside you really do not trust your mouth. "I want an apple... 'but seriously, how do i get it?'"
Boom, you can end your dreams right there and then.
Is it a lie?  Depends on what you would call a lie.  A lie is the untruthful which means you're not telling the truth but something else.  Is believing a lie, then?  No.  It's what you envision yourself to get.

Mind you.  It's not about the PERIOD OF TIME that you are going to get it.  YOU ALREADY GET IT WHEN YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVE GOTTEN IT.

It's about how does it come to you.

The apple, when you say that you want it and you believe that you already have it, may come in forms of, say, an apple pie, an apple candy, an apple core, a sign depicting an apple, a book about apple, an iphone, a macbook, or even something gotta do with Isaac Newton.

This is where vision comes in.

You have gotta make it CLEAR that the apple you want is truly the real fruit.  Not anything else.  Get a picture of an apple, or imagine it, then state clearly that you already have the fruit and it is coming to you in a form of a fruit.

"An apple.  I want an apple, and I want it in the form of the fruit and something that I can eat."

Done.

Here's a tip that I usually do when I want to envision something.
Get a song.
It has to be motivational or happy.
Imagine the apple is in your hands and you eating it.
At the same time, play the song.
Rinse and repeat.

Seriously people, the only thing that's blocking you from getting anything you want is actually how you think about the thing you want.

I have wanted a friend that I could share anything with.

"I want a friend that I can tell my secrets and not be shy with.  I don't care what he looks like but I want to talk to him and tell everything that I want to him."

Indeed, I got a friend.

You might call me crazy but... he's an imaginary friend.

Go on.  Laugh.

But he helped a lot.  Not just one friend, though.  About 8 of them.

I don't see them in the real world or through my eyes, but rather I talk to them in my head and they will answer me back but not in words but a guts feeling.

I usually talk to Dante.  Yes, he's the demon hunter of that game.
I usually ask him which way should I go, which items should I buy, how am I going to take this exam?  And so on and so forth.

It was perhaps... the first thing that I have wished since I was awakened.

I value all of them.

Faith is something very powerful.  Mind your words, because they are the words that you put yourself to trust in.  Say that you are a genius, you will be someday.  Say that you going to hate this job, oh you will.

This... I will come to say as the power of prayer.  In my religion, it is called Doa.

Ask.  Go on, ask.  He'll give it to you, but you have gotta believe that He WILL give it to you.

People usually ask for something in their prayers.  Health, long life, a family, money, an answer, a solution, a place in Heaven, forgiveness.

But do you believe that He will give it to you?

Is Facebook my undoing?

I am not so sure anymore if I should use the Social Network for social things.

There are several reasons that I would like to point out and they are reasonable enough that I trust my instincts to reveal them.

    First up, I do not see the point of having like 200 friends but none of them are even close to me.  Sure, they are like 5 to 10 people that I personally like and talk all the time with but that is far as it gets.  Talking in the chat seems a lot of fun, because for me personally for a loner, I do not like to speak face to face or eye to eye.  I have a disability to talk eye to eye for one, I do not know why but I just could not see their eyes without seeing all the lies they are saying right in front of my face and I have to hold on to my consciousness not to slap the other person.  I do not hate lies but when they tell them in such a direct manner, my belly will convulse and my limbs will try to run away from that conversation.  So, first reason would be is because why use such an indirect manner of revealing your thoughts and reasons when you can simply talk in them upfront.

    Secondly, people compare themselves.  Whenever I open that website and looked at all the cool things that others had done, I thought I was the only one not in the happening and it seemed that I am wasting my life away on studying and taking care of my family.  They have such interesting life and I am the only one trying to make head or tail with it, but seeing that as a personal trait of mine, I leave it a second rate reason.  The first rate would be that whenever people look at other people, they usually thought up the weakness upon themselves and became totally obsessed in making it as quiet as possible.  Leaving my own experiences aside, doesn't people always say that you are you and what people think are nothing but illusions that will just slow us down?  Then this social network is indeed that cloudy grey screen in my eyes and perhaps others.  They are those who deny this, but no one can truly know your own weaknesses but rather of their own makings.

    Thirdly, it is not a waste of our time to display a conscious part of ourselves but it may be relevant to point out that the side you may be pointing at is not what you decide to show, but the traits that you so called have no intention with and none other than you could understand.  It's a futile attempt to explain it in simple words.  Here's an idea.  What if you write down in your status update, "I love Bumblebee in the Transformers!"  For people like myself who are observant of what people are saying and how they say it, I would call you an avid attention whore.  Excuse my French.  Instead, what you really are trying to say is actually what you are trying to say which is you like a certain robotic alien with a dis-functional voice box and could transform into a sports car with black stripes.  Or you could say that you really are an avid transformers fan.  People look at you differently when they read your statutes.  And more if that person knows you in real life.

    I wouldn't say this is like a declaration that I do not like Facebook or other social sites but people are missing what we are truly trying to say.  There's a huge percentage of what we are actually trying to say comes from our body language and for other people to understand truly what is trying to be transferred from you to themselves, body language plays a huge part in it.  Social networks teach us to talk efficiently and reveal our feelings verbally, but that counts up only to certain part of the information that we truly want to access.

    It seemed hard to reveal what you are tying to say for years, but this is truly what I see in Facebook.  It is good in receiving data and statuses of other strangers but in order to truly know someone and to truly perceive information, one must be in direct contact of the other person and not just through a virtual medium.  I made relationships, not THAT kind but a lot of kind, and until now, I have made countless break outs of other people's true feelings through words alone.  But in reality, they are not what I perceive they are.  They feel safe behind an IP address and thus, their mental defense goes down.  I can break through quite easily but what's behind those walls are not everything.

    This is not an essay or a declaration.  It is what it is, just another post.  It may be stupid or clever, I don't know but these are what I want to say.

    I just want to make sure that I am good at something.  A lot of people in my life are good or special in some way.  A girl have the ability to see pureness in almost everything while a boy have won countless football matches.  I cannot play sports because of my asthma and I cannot feel what other feel because I always ask 'why?'  Others cannot write stories that I wrote, and others cannot find out what others are truly saying just by looking at their hands and the way they talk.  But I cannot reveal these to others while others can just write them down in their statuses and shits and people cheer them.  I feel like shit when I see that.

     I cannot show what I have in my mind.

     So what if my specialty is exactly there?

    Nobody reads this because it's too long.

    Therefore, I need to do this spacing shit.

    So people will actually READ something at all.

    I want to show my strengths but what if my strengths are actually destroying people's minds and smashing out other's thoughts?

    I can't do shit when it's like that.

    Shit.

Koiwai's a good guy.  I want to be like him someday.

Small figurines

    It had been, what, 21 years?
    He had left the only home and property that he had been given down to by his parents and ancestors since he was a child.  He was only about 2 at the time.  It was a complicated story that no one that he knew as family or relating seemed want to hear it out or even speak of it.  Their memories seemed to deteriorate even further when those relatives become distanced and the families that he had seemed to reveal the adoption as a part of a long aged friendship that has died away with the other person.  The only memories of said person became what had given this man, now alone in the whole world, 21 years to live as a normal human being, given a place to sleep, food on a plate, and education that had lasted until college.
    The adopted family that he got wasn't as bad as what others had said it would.  When he was 6, his so-called father revealed the secret himself, but part of the little kid knew inside him that he didn't belong there, with different hair colour, different kind of toes, different kind of thoughts.  He wasn't surprised neither was he was filled with anguish.  Didn't think much then. he continued on, nodding all the while, thinking it was a no biggie.
    At 18 years of age, he came to realize he had owed his whole life to that "father."  He thanked him for what he had done.  Again, he was not surprised when the man revealed another so-called secret.  The teenage boy knew that his father was an engineer and his mother, a doctor.  What he didn't know was they were working together on a project.  A project that had cost themselves and the man's own life, much.  Excluding the only boy they had, their whole property were hidden away from the eyes of the public, said to be necessary for the project, at the time half-done, so as to preserve it's secrecy.
    He didn't care for any of those things.
    Now, 23 years old after the parents that had given birth to him were gone, he had come back to where he used to live for 2 years of his earliest life.
    The old house was made of stone and the roof were tiles, but the surrounding were forests within forests.  It was abandoned since who knows when. even before he was born.  He took a step inside the gate.
    The wind didn't blew but he felt a chill inside him.  He had walked these same steps long ago.  No, of course he can't remember the exact same scene but something inside him was telling him, urging him, to go inside the house.  It wasn't an eerie nor it was a random feeling.
    Inside the house...
   

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Continue this... I DARE YA.

I was writing this in the middle of the night with the lights off... so.... yeah......

Now i cant sleep.

~_____~

Shit.
   

I'll get it

Dear diary,

    Today wasn't bad.

    Today wasn't good either.

    Normally, I would've called it quite a contradiction, whatever it is, from the moment I set my foot into the lecture hall that something was wrong.  I know because, as you know too, that I have quite an instinct or guts feeling.  At first, yeah I thought that it was some kind of nervousness, I should've known that transferring from a university to another was kinda like the same for schools.  I used to switch schools, as you know, so I didn't think that much about universities.

    It was like, half an hour still for the lecture to begin, so I took a step in, took some looks around (the place was empty except for some girls at a corner and a couple talking conspicuously over one side), and I decided if I'm founded out being the only single here, attention will be concentrated on me.  And so, I take back my leg and walked away.

    So I spent the next 20 minutes walking around, trying to find out where everything is.  The campus here is larger than the last one.  I had to redouble back to see where everything is.  What interested me was, there was only two vending machines in this huge building and the drinks suck.  But I don't drink those much, so I don't really care.  But whatever it is, 20 minutes passed quite fast.

    I take a step in.

    And stopped dead.

    The whole hall was filled from one end to the other.  Not quite a scene for a university but I was taken aback for some while.

    So, I chose a seat, not that far to the front nor too on the back.

    And I had to choose one sit away from a person I used to know.

    You would've been surprised at how surprised I was.

    Her hair, especially her hair, has changed a lot.

    It used to be long and silky, but most of all, it used to be black.

    Now, it was blond.  And short.  It made her look like a little like a guy but her skirt confirms her gender.

    I didn't say anything at first because I thought it was best to not let know anyone who used to know me that I was there.  It didn't take long before the other person just swings her head a little and everything just seemed to break down.

    If I would've remembered the whole dialogue, it was something like this:

    "..." this was me.

    "...Eh?" this was her.

    "..."

    "...Eh?"

    "..."

    "...What are you doing here, Ma-kun?"

    SHE REMEMBERED. God, that name stung.  All the memories, most of them bad, came back like a rush.  Realizing that I have no choice, I gave up.

    "Studying,"

    "SO YOU ARE MA-KUN!"

    Oh God, the whole hall would've heard that if not for the commotion they are making themselves.

    "Keep it down..."

    "BUT.  I mean, but what are you doing here?  I thought you dropped out of school,"

    "Yes, I did.  Then, I continued my last 5 months somewhere else."

    At this time, I was looking at her.  She was inches away from my face, as usual.  And she looks like she wants to meet my forehead and hit it straight on.  Of course, as a guy, I would've stared down.  You know, the chest area, but at that time I was too panicked to do anything.  So, I looked at her the same way she looked at me, as usual.  Her face was... as usual.

    Oh the dialogue didn't end there.

    "You look different, Ma-kun,"

    "You too, Ma-chan,"

    "...Ouch,"

    "Indeed."

    So she remembered things the same way I did, not surprising.  But as she said, I changed.  People do in time, especially when the person realized he's not good enough.

    "You know, Ma-kun?"

    "What, Ma-chan?"

    "I was sad when you left,"

    GOD, THAT STUNG.

    "Yes, I was too,"

    "You think I'm different too?"

    "It seems so."

    At this time, I was quite content to see her back.  If not for all the bad memories, I would've been happy.  So, she changed her appearance a bit but she still wear that skirt, not too long nor too short.  Just right.

    "Ma-kun?"

    "Yes, Ma-chan?"

    "You want to get back to the way we were?"

    That question was compelling. 

    And then I thought.  What was so different of me than back then?  I was the same person, with the same name, with the same insane thoughts always scurrying around, the same voice, the same pattern of life, the same Ma-kun.

    "You changed your hair colour,"

    "...It's not permanent.  Ma-kun, do you hate me?'

    God, that stung the most.

    "No, I don't, Ma-chan,"

    "Then, why are you looking away?"

    "Because I can see your cleavage, Ma-chan."

    It was obvious as shit.  And she was leaning towards me.

    "I don't mind if it's you, Ma-kun,"

    "But I do."

    And that damn lecturer would HAVE to get in at that moment.  Everyone hushed up and quieted down after some while.  The same monotone lecture drooled on like water through my head.  Meanwhile, all the thoughts of her previous question was flooding it.  I knew I was an existentialist, always prodding on why I was there and what my life was for. And now another question rose up.  Can a man really change from what he used to be?  In my eyes, Ma-chan was the same long-haired, beautiful-faced, great-bodied, and cheerful as she used to be.  Probably, in her eyes, I was the spiked-hair, grinning-faced, lean-bodied, and crazy as I used to be.

    But now, only my appearance was different.  My hair is sleek and combed, I had a serious face on, I was exercising and I was fitter, and my thoughts are controlled and civilized.  It was the same with her, probably.

    Like I said before, the day wasn't bad nor good.  It was a fork in the road I thought I wasn't ever given again.

    At the end of the lesson, we walked out together.  It was never hand-in-hand because we never did got ahold of the 'romantic' type of relationship.  Besides, we thought it was too boring for us.

    "You know, Ma-chan,"

    "...Yeah?"

    I ruffled my hair and wore my used grin.  It was nostalgic.

    "In university, Ma-chan, they have these things called club, right, Ma-chan?"

    She looked at me like I was a ghost.

    "Hmm?  What's the matter, Ma-chan?  Are you sick?  Hungry?  Come on, let's have lunch, Ma-chan!"

    She was back.

    "But Ma-kun!"

    "Yes, Ma-chan?!"

    "They don't have a canteen here, Ma-kun!"

    "Oh my!  What kind of place is this?!  What shall we do?!"

    "What shall we do?!"

    "Hmm..."

    "Hmm..."

    "That's it! Ma-chan, I have a car!"

    "GASP!  YOU DO?  DO YOU HAVE A LICENSE TO DRIVE IT?"

    Yes, she was shouting.  People are looking at us.  Then again, people used to look at us with those strange looks.

    "...OF COURSE, I DO, MA-CHAN!"

    "Wow, you're cool, MA-KUN!"

    "Yes, yes, I am.  Now, to the CAR!"

    "Where's the key, Ma-kun?"

    "...I left it in my room,"

    "Oh. You mean, you left someone else's key to someone else's car, in someone else's room, don't you, MA-KUN?"

    I love it when she knows what I'm thinking.

    "...YES, EXACTLY!  TO THE ROOM!"

    "TO THE ROOM!"

    Things happen after that.  A lot of things.  Much of them I don't remember doing, but they were there, in my brain. 

    And here I am, writing this down.

   I don't knowasjodbijasbdfbfijbfbabsdaasd

    "Ma-kun.  What are you doing?"

    "My diary, Ma-chan!  I plan to publish it to the public when I finish,"

    "But Ma-kun... Can you even publish diaries?"

    "Of course, Ma-chan!  Isn't that how that diary of some Anne whatever was published too?"

    "Oh, you're right, Ma-kun!"

    "Of  course, I am, Ma-chan!"

    "But, you know, Ma-kun... Don't you publish books before you die?"

    "Of course, Ma-chan!  What are you saying?!"

    "But Anne whatever died before her diary was published,"

    "...."

    I didn't know that.

    So entry number 0048 needs some adjustments.

    But whatever.

    People don't change.  At least, not in other people's eyes.

    As for the fork in the road, I took the sidewalk, with no relation to any road whatsoever.  It was my choice.

Sincerely,

Marui Ma-kun.

    "That's a sweet story, Ma-kun," she looked down at what I'm writing.  Her face was back with the smile and her eyes were the brightest thing I have ever seen.  And she was making it obvious with her cleavage.

    "Of course, it is, Ma-chan!" I replied.  

    "You know, Ma-kun?"

    "Yes, Ma-chan?"

    "I wasn't shouting.  You were,"

    "We both were shouting, Ma-chan!  Now, what are you saying?"

    I saw a single tear drop at the edge of those bright eyes.  But then, it disappeared with a blink.

    "Ma-chan!  Hurry up!  We gotta get this done before tomorrow!"

    "Eh?  What for, Ma-kun?"

    "You forgot, Ma-chan?!  For our club!"

    "Oh yeah, Ma-kun!  We were going to make up a club, right?!"

    "Yes, Ma-chan!"

    "But what's the name of the club, Ma-kun?!"

    "..."

    I'll think one up later.  With the now short-haired, semi-blonde, beautiful-faced, great-bodied, and cheerful girl here beside me, I can do everything and anything.