Says that education is not important and test results are useles,
Think again, man.
How do you measure the worth of 2000 individuals without taking 2000 hours in your life? Even if given 1 hour for each student in a school, you cannot know a person's true worth by interviewing him for that period of time.
So they come up with standardized syllabus and skills for you to learn. And when the time comes, those syllabus and skills are tested on a piece of paper that are then marked according to what the syllabus has told.
Some of you are saying, "It's all memorization and not a single piece of critical thinking is needed!" Well, I say if you do say that, you have to accept that there IS a test out there that are all critical thinking and if you do not pass even that, you would say, "It's all critical thinking and not a single piece of WHAT I LEARNT IN SCHOOL IS NEEDED!"
Sorry to say to you guys, but schools are important. They keep us in line of what is needed for the foundation of the world, i.e. Knowledge.
Some of you would say you wouldn't use Pythagoras' theory ever in real life, but some of us build buildings that require that exact theory and we are the ones who make homes for you guys.
Next time, when you say what you learnt in school isn't real life, look to your smart phones, your homes, the plane that you're about to board, the inhaler that you use, the computer that you type on, the straw that you used to drink. These things are made by people who went to school and gotten the same knowledge that you are now learning or have learnt.
Respect knowledge.
Oct 3, 2014
Sep 3, 2014
100 posts GET and I missed it.
So, this is the 102nd post ever on this blog.
The 100th post was the Atlantica.
Woo! Yeah! This would be so cool and memorable if anyone ever read this!
I love you, Rabbia! Besides, you're the only one who read these things anyway...
I love you so much...
Dare I say that I didn't think this blog would hold until now....
And dare I say, from the first post there is, I can even see where I started from. And here I am. Doesn't feel like that much change but nevertheless
100 posts reached! Yay!
The 100th post was the Atlantica.
Woo! Yeah! This would be so cool and memorable if anyone ever read this!
I love you, Rabbia! Besides, you're the only one who read these things anyway...
I love you so much...
Dare I say that I didn't think this blog would hold until now....
And dare I say, from the first post there is, I can even see where I started from. And here I am. Doesn't feel like that much change but nevertheless
100 posts reached! Yay!
Tattered dreams, Old clarity
"Do this anymore and you're asking for hell," the man in black said with a threatening voice, his face hidden by the car window, slightly lowered down only to uncover his spectacled eyes. The eyes behind those glasses were old and worn but they are still full of vitality and a keen sense of instincts has flared more than anyone in them. They left scars that cannot be seen by the eyes alone.
"That's exactly what I'm doing, old man. I'm looking for Hell. He hasn't been answering these days, so I come knocking up on his door, just telling him I'm still alive," a voice beneath the blanket of rain came from the alley opposite the car. Through the hammering of the rain, the voice still hold its volume and a sinister grin appears with the sentences, a mirth that hasn't been unleashed but held on so tightly, the air vibrates. "Why don't you go up to that big old place and wait for me. I'll be your undertaker soon enough. Old. Man."
The eyes in the car stared long and hard in the blank space where the voice originated from. He looked on as if waiting for the inevatable to occur but the happenings are far from his days. The eyes took on a menacing glare, a lion ready to pounce on his prey without any mercy. But this prey, it had something special. His preys are always helpless and by the time they realize he has his teeth around their throats, they begged for life and refused to die. But a prey is a prey, one way or the other. The teeth do not unclench when blood clench his thirst.
The rain fell down on the tin roofs, the sounds enveloped anything but anyone who walked by can feel the tingly sensation in the air. Two mighty beings are on their edge, their swords ready to be sheathed in seconds and the fight enveloped soon will tell who will be the conquer of the other. Neither side wants to be defeated and both seem ready to die to fight for his cause. The subjugation of the other.
"Last warning. You do that one more time and I'll-"
"Kill me? You know it doesn't work that way, old man."
"Do you mind if an old man wants to finish his sentences once in a while?"
"Of course. I'd give you an apology but I'm all out of it, since you're the one who took them all anyways."
"Stay down. And maybe this whole place will give you another chance to live."
The window rolled up and two lights punctured through the veil of rain. An engine roared and the car disappeared down the road. There was no numbered plate, and the model was absolutely non-existent. That car was wrought from the it's rightful owners and it stayed there like an old pair of socks. Anybody who saw it would shy away, making way for it, knowing who the owner is and the power he holds. But that power will be taken over, one way or the other. This day or the next.
The sinister smile in the alley turned into a grimace of tightly coiled whip, readied to the fullest extent to be released. It leaves a good enough bad vibe to the whole place that anyone would avoid it. In the dark, a tattered and worned rag of clothes started to move. It tried to stand but it's thin legs tripped and the face end feel down in a heap. An arm appeared, pushing the body up. It trembles, trying to push against it's own weight. It managed to get to its knees when the body suddenly hunched up and heaved. The remains of food in it's belly was gone in an instant. It pushed more with it's frail legs, trying it's hardest to stand it's tallest, to stand ready.
"I'll be damned if something like you or this place takes me over. I'd go to hell and come back with souvenirs to give out to you guys first," it said with a shaking voice. It wiped his mouth with an already dirty rag, as the rain poured down it's face. A black eye peered through the filthy long hair. The area around it was swollen. The colour of the eye was deep brown, and bags of unslept nights weighed it down. There was fire in it, a fire that has burned as long as it has breathed on this earth. It wasn't large but it was fierce enough to burn whoever gets too close to douse it out. Even the world would feel it's wrath one day.
It smiled, remembering one fine night when the same old man came up to it, in a corner. After certain events, it would be the most ironic in this scene. The same old man who had threatened him far worse than death, had used to comfort him. A filthy piece of rag and a bundle of loose muscles was what the old man tried to give life to. He succeeded but what came forth from the womb was not what the old man intended to be. He came to it's ears and said those words that left a permanent scar on it's tired and still beating heart.
"One day, Hell does not come up to you. It will be too scared of you to get close. When that happens, you're the one who will chase it down. One day, you will look for Hell."
It's shoulders shook while pieces of laughter got up to his throat, trying to escape. The sheer craziness seeped out of those eyes and the whole scene stared at it, either with pity or outright repulse. It clutched its face, trying to stop the insanity and hold down his minds to it's roots. The shoulders heaved once but this time, nothing came out. There was nothing to get out anymore. Only emptiness and a burning feeling, making crisps of the mind that it's feeding on, remain. The rags and clothes tried to stand upright, but even in that endeavor it failed. Suddenly, that burning feeling gave off a familiar smell. A keen and lofty smell that filled it's nose. It knew how to be angry.
"You haven't seen the last of me," it whispered to the world. "Hell belongs to me."
With that, the rain poured even harder than before. The tattered piece of rags and clothes disappeared behind the curtain. Walking with a defeated aura, but looking forward for another fight. It would not give up, even when the world batter him down. It would stand, and look forward.
"That's exactly what I'm doing, old man. I'm looking for Hell. He hasn't been answering these days, so I come knocking up on his door, just telling him I'm still alive," a voice beneath the blanket of rain came from the alley opposite the car. Through the hammering of the rain, the voice still hold its volume and a sinister grin appears with the sentences, a mirth that hasn't been unleashed but held on so tightly, the air vibrates. "Why don't you go up to that big old place and wait for me. I'll be your undertaker soon enough. Old. Man."
The eyes in the car stared long and hard in the blank space where the voice originated from. He looked on as if waiting for the inevatable to occur but the happenings are far from his days. The eyes took on a menacing glare, a lion ready to pounce on his prey without any mercy. But this prey, it had something special. His preys are always helpless and by the time they realize he has his teeth around their throats, they begged for life and refused to die. But a prey is a prey, one way or the other. The teeth do not unclench when blood clench his thirst.
The rain fell down on the tin roofs, the sounds enveloped anything but anyone who walked by can feel the tingly sensation in the air. Two mighty beings are on their edge, their swords ready to be sheathed in seconds and the fight enveloped soon will tell who will be the conquer of the other. Neither side wants to be defeated and both seem ready to die to fight for his cause. The subjugation of the other.
"Last warning. You do that one more time and I'll-"
"Kill me? You know it doesn't work that way, old man."
"Do you mind if an old man wants to finish his sentences once in a while?"
"Of course. I'd give you an apology but I'm all out of it, since you're the one who took them all anyways."
"Stay down. And maybe this whole place will give you another chance to live."
The window rolled up and two lights punctured through the veil of rain. An engine roared and the car disappeared down the road. There was no numbered plate, and the model was absolutely non-existent. That car was wrought from the it's rightful owners and it stayed there like an old pair of socks. Anybody who saw it would shy away, making way for it, knowing who the owner is and the power he holds. But that power will be taken over, one way or the other. This day or the next.
The sinister smile in the alley turned into a grimace of tightly coiled whip, readied to the fullest extent to be released. It leaves a good enough bad vibe to the whole place that anyone would avoid it. In the dark, a tattered and worned rag of clothes started to move. It tried to stand but it's thin legs tripped and the face end feel down in a heap. An arm appeared, pushing the body up. It trembles, trying to push against it's own weight. It managed to get to its knees when the body suddenly hunched up and heaved. The remains of food in it's belly was gone in an instant. It pushed more with it's frail legs, trying it's hardest to stand it's tallest, to stand ready.
"I'll be damned if something like you or this place takes me over. I'd go to hell and come back with souvenirs to give out to you guys first," it said with a shaking voice. It wiped his mouth with an already dirty rag, as the rain poured down it's face. A black eye peered through the filthy long hair. The area around it was swollen. The colour of the eye was deep brown, and bags of unslept nights weighed it down. There was fire in it, a fire that has burned as long as it has breathed on this earth. It wasn't large but it was fierce enough to burn whoever gets too close to douse it out. Even the world would feel it's wrath one day.
It smiled, remembering one fine night when the same old man came up to it, in a corner. After certain events, it would be the most ironic in this scene. The same old man who had threatened him far worse than death, had used to comfort him. A filthy piece of rag and a bundle of loose muscles was what the old man tried to give life to. He succeeded but what came forth from the womb was not what the old man intended to be. He came to it's ears and said those words that left a permanent scar on it's tired and still beating heart.
"One day, Hell does not come up to you. It will be too scared of you to get close. When that happens, you're the one who will chase it down. One day, you will look for Hell."
It's shoulders shook while pieces of laughter got up to his throat, trying to escape. The sheer craziness seeped out of those eyes and the whole scene stared at it, either with pity or outright repulse. It clutched its face, trying to stop the insanity and hold down his minds to it's roots. The shoulders heaved once but this time, nothing came out. There was nothing to get out anymore. Only emptiness and a burning feeling, making crisps of the mind that it's feeding on, remain. The rags and clothes tried to stand upright, but even in that endeavor it failed. Suddenly, that burning feeling gave off a familiar smell. A keen and lofty smell that filled it's nose. It knew how to be angry.
"You haven't seen the last of me," it whispered to the world. "Hell belongs to me."
With that, the rain poured even harder than before. The tattered piece of rags and clothes disappeared behind the curtain. Walking with a defeated aura, but looking forward for another fight. It would not give up, even when the world batter him down. It would stand, and look forward.
Aug 3, 2014
Atlantica - Dream of Illusion
There were images in my head. Images stuck inside. There were screaming and blacked up images of human sized people running away from something. The monument that was toppling on top of me suddenly rose out of its roots, the statues' hands reached out to the sky and away from me. I felt a surge of air whistling around my ears, and my body weightless. I was falling. I was waiting for the hard earth to hit my back and break every single piece of my bones.
Then I woke up. My eyes darted here and there, searching, wondering what happened. The monument was gone, the sensation of falling was gone and somehow I don't even know what's actually me. I tried to move my fingers, one by one. As I tried to get up, my head shot a pain throughout my skull. I clutched it, massaging my temples. Then I realized the lights that I was seeing before this aren't from a sun. There were from the crystals around me.
Pushing my legs up, trying not to feel the spell on my head, I looked around. Tattered clothes hang on my back, and the lower thigh of my leather pants are gone, as if ripped. I massaged my neck, trying to remember what happened. But the pain of dizziness was in the way. My throat longs for water but my stomach swirled at the mention of food. I can't remember my name.
There was nothing else but to look around this place. It looked like a cave, filled with big crystals that emit light. It hurts to look at them directly. My legs move on their own as I tried to remember a single piece of memory of my life. Not even a single trickle remains in it. There was a gaping hole that is used to be filled with life. I can't remember my name.
There was no other way but to go forward. If this is a cave, then there must be an exit somewhere. It's just hard to find the real light from the sun when there's so much light from the crystals. The spell shot another hard pain throughout my head and I stumbled, caught my hand on one of the crystals. They felt like glass. Shining glass that fills my hand. It wasn't warm or cold, it felt unreal. Then I looked up and saw the big arch.
It's a portal. I don't know how I know but in my heart I realize I am looking at a portal. We used to have that everywhere in... We used to travel around in... The portal was the one method we used to travel in... I can't remember. We? Who are we? I shook my head a little, shaking off sweat eminating from my forehead. I realize that I was actually cold. A pleasant cool around my skin. But that too felt so wrapped up. There was no other way to explain it. It was as if the cool was transplant into my brain directly and not through my skin.
I walk up to the portal. Every portal has a lock. Like a door, every portal needs a key to open it. Usually, there was someone who's in charge of the key but not now. I looked around the big arch, searching for the little key. I couldn't find it. The owner of this portal must've have it with him. I don't know. I looked up the big arch, leaned on it, hoping there was a way out of this. At that moment, the arch move away from each other. I gasped and walked away. This isn't an ordinary portal.
A swirling smoke came out of the middle of the arch, small at first but soon it was as big as the arches could hold it. I expected something more. In my head, I knew there had to be more. There were supposed to be an image, a clear path that shows where the portal goes. Like a door that opens up to somewhere, a portal does the same. But the swirling went on and on. I sighed and that's when another surprise hit me.
The portals emitted light that combined themselves into words. Words that I know and yet not know at the same time. I could read it but I do not recognize the smooth edges of the words nor the pointy vertices of them. The message was direct, surprisingly. It was as if someone left it there for me. And he knew someone would come read it and made it simple. I don't know.
Then I woke up. My eyes darted here and there, searching, wondering what happened. The monument was gone, the sensation of falling was gone and somehow I don't even know what's actually me. I tried to move my fingers, one by one. As I tried to get up, my head shot a pain throughout my skull. I clutched it, massaging my temples. Then I realized the lights that I was seeing before this aren't from a sun. There were from the crystals around me.
Pushing my legs up, trying not to feel the spell on my head, I looked around. Tattered clothes hang on my back, and the lower thigh of my leather pants are gone, as if ripped. I massaged my neck, trying to remember what happened. But the pain of dizziness was in the way. My throat longs for water but my stomach swirled at the mention of food. I can't remember my name.
There was nothing else but to look around this place. It looked like a cave, filled with big crystals that emit light. It hurts to look at them directly. My legs move on their own as I tried to remember a single piece of memory of my life. Not even a single trickle remains in it. There was a gaping hole that is used to be filled with life. I can't remember my name.
There was no other way but to go forward. If this is a cave, then there must be an exit somewhere. It's just hard to find the real light from the sun when there's so much light from the crystals. The spell shot another hard pain throughout my head and I stumbled, caught my hand on one of the crystals. They felt like glass. Shining glass that fills my hand. It wasn't warm or cold, it felt unreal. Then I looked up and saw the big arch.
It's a portal. I don't know how I know but in my heart I realize I am looking at a portal. We used to have that everywhere in... We used to travel around in... The portal was the one method we used to travel in... I can't remember. We? Who are we? I shook my head a little, shaking off sweat eminating from my forehead. I realize that I was actually cold. A pleasant cool around my skin. But that too felt so wrapped up. There was no other way to explain it. It was as if the cool was transplant into my brain directly and not through my skin.
I walk up to the portal. Every portal has a lock. Like a door, every portal needs a key to open it. Usually, there was someone who's in charge of the key but not now. I looked around the big arch, searching for the little key. I couldn't find it. The owner of this portal must've have it with him. I don't know. I looked up the big arch, leaned on it, hoping there was a way out of this. At that moment, the arch move away from each other. I gasped and walked away. This isn't an ordinary portal.
A swirling smoke came out of the middle of the arch, small at first but soon it was as big as the arches could hold it. I expected something more. In my head, I knew there had to be more. There were supposed to be an image, a clear path that shows where the portal goes. Like a door that opens up to somewhere, a portal does the same. But the swirling went on and on. I sighed and that's when another surprise hit me.
The portals emitted light that combined themselves into words. Words that I know and yet not know at the same time. I could read it but I do not recognize the smooth edges of the words nor the pointy vertices of them. The message was direct, surprisingly. It was as if someone left it there for me. And he knew someone would come read it and made it simple. I don't know.
To you I send this message,
For I am the owner,
The key lies with the beast,
that flows with wings of dark.
Find three of them,
Kill three of them,
And the light shall be shown.
There was only one creature that can fly in a cave. The bats. But with this much light around, I could not tell if any bats live here. Besides, how am I going to catch these bats? I do not even have a weapon. And why does this person torment me so? If he wanted to help, he would've just left the key where it is. No. There must be a way. But I need a weapon.
My eyes caught a glint behind the arches. I walked up to see what it was. The owner did think of everything through. There was a sword, a sizeable one, with the point plunged into the ground. I took hold of it and pulled it out. Instantly, the cave went dark as night. I backed up against the wall, shocked, and ready my stance. I do not even know how to use this weapon. Or do I?
Suddenly, there was chittering. I could feel the flow of air around my skin, and this is real as it can be. Light suddenly emitted from the crystals around me but only enough for me to see. Enough for them to see as well. The bats the message was about? They were the size of eagles. I gulped as I saw them swooped around, luring me out of the corner. I kept my hands above my head as shields but soon realize that it was futile. They were scratching my arms with gashes. I could feel blood flow out. If this keeps up, I would have no way but to fight them head on. And that's the only way I could think of.
It was easy enough. They came at me one by one and all I had to do was time my slashes and soon feel the rip of flesh against the edge of my sword. I slashed out three times and each of them hits a target. I readied my stance again for more but the air was quiet. I held my guard up until I realized the crystals are glowing up again. Slowly, making my eyes adjusted to them. When I wanted to see the carcass of the bats, there was nothing but pieces of glowing crystals on the ground. These must be the key.
I picked them up and went to the portal. Now what? With one hand gripping my sword and the other holds the glittering pieces, all I could think of was to offer them to portal. The messages blurred themselves and the arches move even further apart I would think the pressure was enough to blast this cave and bring the roof down. But it held. And the pieces in my hand moved by themselves. They swirled like the portal above me and combined into a single key. It was made out of the crystals around me, for sure. It emits the same light but duller and looked more solid. I held it up to the swirling portal and touch it.
It was not a portal. I was wrong.
All I could feel at the end was the leather padded hilt of the sword and the sensation of falling. Again. I think I lost consciousness at this point. I realize I was waiting for the earth to meet my back and crash every single piece of my bones.
Jul 30, 2014
Ain't it fun?
I'm just going to leave this here.
Because Persona. That's why.
Did I mention that she looks like Lilith from BD2? Just... a lot less hotter. And she's not shooting bandits in the face.
And she also looks like that girl... in that movie where the hero from Die Hard shoots alien and stuff and the black guy from Rush Hour sounds like he lost his balls. Also in space.
Because Persona. That's why.
Did I mention that she looks like Lilith from BD2? Just... a lot less hotter. And she's not shooting bandits in the face.
And she also looks like that girl... in that movie where the hero from Die Hard shoots alien and stuff and the black guy from Rush Hour sounds like he lost his balls. Also in space.
Jul 23, 2014
Dragonsreach
I am in the inn, in Whiterun. The innkeeper, I forgot her name, got me and Sofia a bed in the upper stairs. There are sounds of merriment downstairs, while inside me I feel a very heavy storm about to strike lightning to my body. I thought my problem with the dragons are vanished after I made the report to Jarl Balgruff, but he seemed to take an interest into the dragons, where it come from and why. Soon after I begged the Jarl to send troops to Whiterun, not to mention I was assaulted by his housecarl Irileth, I thought I was quickly disposed of but the Jarl praised me before taking me to his wizard. I have no grudges against magic users but I am not one to touch anything that has been touched by the arcane.
He asked me to help Farengar, the Wizard, for his dragon project. Farengar seems to be the kind of person that I usually avoid, with that burning smell and signs of insomnia in his eyes, magic users are always deprived of sleep and always smell like burning coal mixed with flesh. However, I had no choice because it was the Jarl. If I have said no, he would've chopped my head off on that instance! He has the power and nobody would've said a thing against it. After a very brief introduction, I was shoved forward by the Jarl to face the Wizard.
It is worth mentioning here that I have no interest in Nords and their ruins. More like, I have heard stories about the dead being not so dead, and them walking around guarding the tombs. Now that bloody Wizard has charged me to go to this Bleak Falls Barrow to get some stone tablet! He explained it is a map of ancient dragon burial sites and will prove useful to discover why the dragons are coming back and why now.The ruin is near Riverwood, thank goodness it is close, and a local there should know where it is. From those words alone, I started to shake my head. Of course, the Jarl was looking at me with those stern eyes, sterner than Gerdur or Ralof gave me, so I could not do anything but nod.
Farengar was quite happy that he has a pawn to go to that dangerous place, his face seemed distracted but nevertheless, I am sure he himself wouldn't set a foot in that place. Much less someone like me. I guess Sofia is quite useful now. She seemed to be the sort that doesn't give an inch about the undead. She looks handy with a sword too. Sofia waited outside of Dragonsreach, something about not meeting the Jarl face to face with a blush. I couldn't care less. Now I wish I had someone I knew inside there.
Right now, she's busy having drinks with the men downstairs, however vulgar that sounds. I try not to drown myself into alcohol but I warned her the same. I told her about the job I have to do and she doesn't seemed perturbed by it. She still think I am an adventurer and I am going to go do chores for everyone I meet! I am not in a very good mood right now. I am tired, a little wet from the rain and I do not know how to survive this life any longer. Truth be told, I am depressed about current matters. Rebellion sparking everywhere, rumors of a murderer roaming around, and I found out that the Winterhold mages have discovered a ruin near the college. And a dragon sighted after hundreds of years of myth. Wizards and now dragons. I am telling you, Wizards and ruins in the same place is not a place that I would like to be.
Right now, all I need is some bread, cheese and a meat loaf. I couldn't resist the smell coming from the cookpot. Right now, all I want is some sleeping hours without any sorts of dream. My sword, the sword given by Gerdur, was a pitiful Iron Sword with the edges rugged and looked dull. I know little about the caring of a sword but maybe I should get a newer one, with sharper looking edges. But then, I would have a lot less gold. I should buy a better sword if I want to go and survive this barrow. Maybe Sofia can point out what weapon I should get. Maybe I should decide myself. I should train with it.
I need sleep. I am writing gibberish. Farewell world. May I survive tomorrow.
He asked me to help Farengar, the Wizard, for his dragon project. Farengar seems to be the kind of person that I usually avoid, with that burning smell and signs of insomnia in his eyes, magic users are always deprived of sleep and always smell like burning coal mixed with flesh. However, I had no choice because it was the Jarl. If I have said no, he would've chopped my head off on that instance! He has the power and nobody would've said a thing against it. After a very brief introduction, I was shoved forward by the Jarl to face the Wizard.
It is worth mentioning here that I have no interest in Nords and their ruins. More like, I have heard stories about the dead being not so dead, and them walking around guarding the tombs. Now that bloody Wizard has charged me to go to this Bleak Falls Barrow to get some stone tablet! He explained it is a map of ancient dragon burial sites and will prove useful to discover why the dragons are coming back and why now.The ruin is near Riverwood, thank goodness it is close, and a local there should know where it is. From those words alone, I started to shake my head. Of course, the Jarl was looking at me with those stern eyes, sterner than Gerdur or Ralof gave me, so I could not do anything but nod.
Farengar was quite happy that he has a pawn to go to that dangerous place, his face seemed distracted but nevertheless, I am sure he himself wouldn't set a foot in that place. Much less someone like me. I guess Sofia is quite useful now. She seemed to be the sort that doesn't give an inch about the undead. She looks handy with a sword too. Sofia waited outside of Dragonsreach, something about not meeting the Jarl face to face with a blush. I couldn't care less. Now I wish I had someone I knew inside there.
Right now, she's busy having drinks with the men downstairs, however vulgar that sounds. I try not to drown myself into alcohol but I warned her the same. I told her about the job I have to do and she doesn't seemed perturbed by it. She still think I am an adventurer and I am going to go do chores for everyone I meet! I am not in a very good mood right now. I am tired, a little wet from the rain and I do not know how to survive this life any longer. Truth be told, I am depressed about current matters. Rebellion sparking everywhere, rumors of a murderer roaming around, and I found out that the Winterhold mages have discovered a ruin near the college. And a dragon sighted after hundreds of years of myth. Wizards and now dragons. I am telling you, Wizards and ruins in the same place is not a place that I would like to be.
Right now, all I need is some bread, cheese and a meat loaf. I couldn't resist the smell coming from the cookpot. Right now, all I want is some sleeping hours without any sorts of dream. My sword, the sword given by Gerdur, was a pitiful Iron Sword with the edges rugged and looked dull. I know little about the caring of a sword but maybe I should get a newer one, with sharper looking edges. But then, I would have a lot less gold. I should buy a better sword if I want to go and survive this barrow. Maybe Sofia can point out what weapon I should get. Maybe I should decide myself. I should train with it.
I need sleep. I am writing gibberish. Farewell world. May I survive tomorrow.
Jul 17, 2014
Whiterun - part 2
Nothing much happened during half the day. Except of course, for the rain that was too heavy and forced me to take shelter inside a log for a while. Well, as they say, the wolves can't really hunt in the rain because of their loss of sense of smell, but I wouldn't know that. As I sat there in the log, I always thought my life is going to be simple. A farmer with a piece of land, maybe a spouse that I will be able to finish my life with. Hopefully, I have children or maybe even a small inn. Well, one thing happened after another and I'm stuck here, taking shelter from rain and feeling like the Eight Divines are still not satisfied with toying me around.
I don't know how long I took shelter, though when the rain finally calmed down, the sun was falling down. The trail I took from Riverwood was getting clearer and there were hints of roads half built. People tend to mark their trails and I saw some clearing here and there. It looks like a road frequently used. Although, I was the only one around. Thank goodness there weren't any wolves, or worse things. I took one look at the sky, scanned the ceiling of the blue sky and bolted.
The first signs of civilization, the city, were the guards. I took a corner and suddenly Whiterun loomed ahead of me. It looked big enough at that distance that I thought it must still be bigger when I get there. There were guards patrolling the area. I gulped down and walked slowly, afraid of attracting attention. But a loner passing through the woods? Not a chance.
There was one guard posted near the sign post. He saw me first. I didn't see him at first because of the camouflage uniform of the Whiterun guards, a brown leather armor and a steel helm. He was also wearing a cloak and a sword peeked through it. He called out to me, called me "Traveler" and asked me where I came from. I answered and the guard looked surprised. He advanced onto me and asked something about strange happenings near there. I didn't know what he was talking about, so I shook my head. He seemed relief, I guess. Whiterun was just around a bend, there was a big river on the left, and Whiterun is on the other side.
The guard showed me the way, I thanked him and was on my way. I passed what looked like a meadery and that was when I heard shouts. There were guards running from around the bend, coming out before me. I gripped my sword, afraid to sheath it out but the guards ran towards one of the farms nearby. I quickly ran towards it too, wanting to see what's happening. I felt it inside me even before I saw it. The earth shook and it vibrated my insides. That's when I saw the Giant, smashing at the ground. I was gaping my mouth but then I realized the guards were just standing there, looking at the fight between the Giant and 3 people.
They were seasoned veterans, I'm sure of it. And to my surprise, two of them were women. One of them have flowing hair, shooting arrows from her bow, the other was holding a sword and a shield, facing the giant, cleaving it's thighs and legs. The other one was a man, and his big greatsword swinging in great blows. I was truly at awe, watching them fight the giant. It didn't stand a chance against those three. It went down after the bow-man shot an arrow right through the Giant's eyes. The guards cheered as it fell down, and died on the spot. After that, the guards quickly gathered around the Giant and began to drag it off. Probably to be left rotten on some cave or something. I wouldn't know because those three warriors were coming after me.
The one with the bow, Aela, greeted me. She saw my sword and asked me why I didn't join in the fight. I shook my head off, saying that I'm no warrior such as them and it didn't look as if they needed the help. She snorted, quite loudly, and said that any warrior would relish the chance to fell down a Giant. She introduced her Shield Brothers. The man was named Falkaar. I asked her what Shield Brothers are and answered that's the name given to her greatest friends and allies. She said that they're the Companions, a group of warriors doing dangerous jobs for gold. She said I have a good sword arm, although I thoroughly disagree with her, and said that I should take a chance with Kodlak Whitemane, their advisor. She wished me luck and went ahead into Whiterun.
I breathed out. I was offered a chance to join The Companions, and offered by such a beautiful warrior such as her. But that was not why I came to Whiterun. I took a look around, and walked towards the great city. There was a stable outside of it, the stablemen were brushing the horses. I wish I can own one of those, but the cheapest I can get was a whopping 1000 gold. I don't even have a place to sit down and call it my own. Wishes can come later.
Then, I saw this leg peeking out from behind the stables. Shocked, I went to see what it was. What I saw sent me reeling back. It was a woman, naked to her underwear and she stink of booze. A lot of alcohol was poured down her throat at some time before. The stableman saw me and said that I don't have to care about her. She was a stranger, a drunk that had too much last night. He also said something about scaring the horses. Also said something that she's not worth the thought. I shook my head and was about to go my way when the woman grunted.
That's when I met Sofia. Although she was quite rude with me at first, and also reeked of ale and sweat, and she was also naked, and she was also dirty, I helped her a little bit. She said something about last night, had too much to drink, and her memory was fuzzy from then on. I asked her where her clothes are, and she was shocked. Apparently, drunk people do not realize that their clothes were stolen too. I gave her a drink from my waterskin and was about to go away when she grabbed my hand, it was a very firm grip, and asked if I needed a follower. Someone to guard my back. She didn't have anything to do or anywhere to go, or rather any gold to spend, and she was willing to follow me on my adventures. I shook my head, said that I was no adventurer but she pointed out that I really look like one right then. Her persuasion skills were expert, so I had to give in. Besides, the sun was going to set in a couple of hours and I have no time to waste.
As I gave her some clothes, a dagger, she washed her face from the river, I asked if the divines are still playing with me. She followed behind me, and I saw her clean face. She was quite beautiful but I think a guy would've had too much drink to accept her kind of personality. We walked to the gates, and I was hoping there would be no more complications after this and this Sofia will be on her way after I'm done telling the Jarl about what happened at Helgen.
When the guardsman at the front gate stopped me, Sofia hid behind a wall. I couldn't care much why. The guard said that the gates were closed because of the dragon. Apparently the news had already reached here. I explained I was from Helgen and I bring news to the Jarl about Riverwood being in danger. He believed me and opened up the gates for me. Sofia quickly hid behind my back while we made our way to the city beyond it.
When I said the Divines were done playing with me, I was hoping it would be true. I was truly wrong. Helgen didn't even compare to what I was about to do when I set foot inside that great, big trading city that was the center of Skyrim.
--To be continued.
I don't know how long I took shelter, though when the rain finally calmed down, the sun was falling down. The trail I took from Riverwood was getting clearer and there were hints of roads half built. People tend to mark their trails and I saw some clearing here and there. It looks like a road frequently used. Although, I was the only one around. Thank goodness there weren't any wolves, or worse things. I took one look at the sky, scanned the ceiling of the blue sky and bolted.
The first signs of civilization, the city, were the guards. I took a corner and suddenly Whiterun loomed ahead of me. It looked big enough at that distance that I thought it must still be bigger when I get there. There were guards patrolling the area. I gulped down and walked slowly, afraid of attracting attention. But a loner passing through the woods? Not a chance.
There was one guard posted near the sign post. He saw me first. I didn't see him at first because of the camouflage uniform of the Whiterun guards, a brown leather armor and a steel helm. He was also wearing a cloak and a sword peeked through it. He called out to me, called me "Traveler" and asked me where I came from. I answered and the guard looked surprised. He advanced onto me and asked something about strange happenings near there. I didn't know what he was talking about, so I shook my head. He seemed relief, I guess. Whiterun was just around a bend, there was a big river on the left, and Whiterun is on the other side.
The guard showed me the way, I thanked him and was on my way. I passed what looked like a meadery and that was when I heard shouts. There were guards running from around the bend, coming out before me. I gripped my sword, afraid to sheath it out but the guards ran towards one of the farms nearby. I quickly ran towards it too, wanting to see what's happening. I felt it inside me even before I saw it. The earth shook and it vibrated my insides. That's when I saw the Giant, smashing at the ground. I was gaping my mouth but then I realized the guards were just standing there, looking at the fight between the Giant and 3 people.
They were seasoned veterans, I'm sure of it. And to my surprise, two of them were women. One of them have flowing hair, shooting arrows from her bow, the other was holding a sword and a shield, facing the giant, cleaving it's thighs and legs. The other one was a man, and his big greatsword swinging in great blows. I was truly at awe, watching them fight the giant. It didn't stand a chance against those three. It went down after the bow-man shot an arrow right through the Giant's eyes. The guards cheered as it fell down, and died on the spot. After that, the guards quickly gathered around the Giant and began to drag it off. Probably to be left rotten on some cave or something. I wouldn't know because those three warriors were coming after me.
The one with the bow, Aela, greeted me. She saw my sword and asked me why I didn't join in the fight. I shook my head off, saying that I'm no warrior such as them and it didn't look as if they needed the help. She snorted, quite loudly, and said that any warrior would relish the chance to fell down a Giant. She introduced her Shield Brothers. The man was named Falkaar. I asked her what Shield Brothers are and answered that's the name given to her greatest friends and allies. She said that they're the Companions, a group of warriors doing dangerous jobs for gold. She said I have a good sword arm, although I thoroughly disagree with her, and said that I should take a chance with Kodlak Whitemane, their advisor. She wished me luck and went ahead into Whiterun.
I breathed out. I was offered a chance to join The Companions, and offered by such a beautiful warrior such as her. But that was not why I came to Whiterun. I took a look around, and walked towards the great city. There was a stable outside of it, the stablemen were brushing the horses. I wish I can own one of those, but the cheapest I can get was a whopping 1000 gold. I don't even have a place to sit down and call it my own. Wishes can come later.
Then, I saw this leg peeking out from behind the stables. Shocked, I went to see what it was. What I saw sent me reeling back. It was a woman, naked to her underwear and she stink of booze. A lot of alcohol was poured down her throat at some time before. The stableman saw me and said that I don't have to care about her. She was a stranger, a drunk that had too much last night. He also said something about scaring the horses. Also said something that she's not worth the thought. I shook my head and was about to go my way when the woman grunted.
That's when I met Sofia. Although she was quite rude with me at first, and also reeked of ale and sweat, and she was also naked, and she was also dirty, I helped her a little bit. She said something about last night, had too much to drink, and her memory was fuzzy from then on. I asked her where her clothes are, and she was shocked. Apparently, drunk people do not realize that their clothes were stolen too. I gave her a drink from my waterskin and was about to go away when she grabbed my hand, it was a very firm grip, and asked if I needed a follower. Someone to guard my back. She didn't have anything to do or anywhere to go, or rather any gold to spend, and she was willing to follow me on my adventures. I shook my head, said that I was no adventurer but she pointed out that I really look like one right then. Her persuasion skills were expert, so I had to give in. Besides, the sun was going to set in a couple of hours and I have no time to waste.
As I gave her some clothes, a dagger, she washed her face from the river, I asked if the divines are still playing with me. She followed behind me, and I saw her clean face. She was quite beautiful but I think a guy would've had too much drink to accept her kind of personality. We walked to the gates, and I was hoping there would be no more complications after this and this Sofia will be on her way after I'm done telling the Jarl about what happened at Helgen.
When the guardsman at the front gate stopped me, Sofia hid behind a wall. I couldn't care much why. The guard said that the gates were closed because of the dragon. Apparently the news had already reached here. I explained I was from Helgen and I bring news to the Jarl about Riverwood being in danger. He believed me and opened up the gates for me. Sofia quickly hid behind my back while we made our way to the city beyond it.
When I said the Divines were done playing with me, I was hoping it would be true. I was truly wrong. Helgen didn't even compare to what I was about to do when I set foot inside that great, big trading city that was the center of Skyrim.
--To be continued.
Jul 9, 2014
Whiterun
Gerdur wanted me to go up to Whiterun and tell the Jarl about what happened at Helgen. She said something about Riverwood being in danger if that bloody dragon was still in the mountains nearby. I woke up today and this happened. Looks like the Eight didn't hear out my wishes after all. The sun yet rose, it was still dark but right then, I would've sworn I could say that my future is indeed darker than the weather it is right now. Far from that, as I sat there in the haystack and my torn armor, the weather look a lot brighter than what I heard next.
I thought Ralof was going to join me. All I got back was a stern stare and a saying that went, "You do not put put a shield above your head, if the dagger is aiming at your belly." I respected Ralof because he looked like someone I could trust my life with but this seems to be the only thing I could not trust him with. Apparently, Ralof was a Stormcloak and the Imperials are searching all over for him. So, he couldn't get out and walk around a city. Besides, he said, Jarl Balgruuf the Greater is said to be on the Imperial's side in the rebellion. After that, he was gone. I never see him again.
Gerdur handed me some supplies; food, some spare clothes and a good luck ring. She gave me a general direction to Whiterun, a city that was in the middle of Skyrim that is known throughout Tamriel as the middle point, a trading center for Skyrim. All sorts of people went and gone there. There were also rumored to hold the rare Khajiits caravan, who travel all over Tamriel to trade goods. As much as I want to discover the truth of this, I was still reminded of what happened at Helgen. My nerves has not quite settle yet.
As I got out of the house, I looked up to the sky and yes, my nose did not dissapoint me. It told me that rain was coming and indeed, hours later on the journey, rain began. But that was not the only downside of the journey. But first, I shall tell about the Riverwood trader incident.
I got out of Gerdur's house, apologizing for the stay and gratitude for taking me in for the night. She didn't smile but gave me that stern stare, almost the same as Ralof gave me, and repeated what she said to tell the Jarl. Riverwood is defenseless, and needed some guardsmen. I nodded solemnly, tried my best to look motivated. She closed the door behind me as I get out of the premise. I passed the Sleeping Giant Inn, the largest building in Riverwood. Inns usually are. The village drunkard was sleeping on the wooden floor. Not once do I like being drunk.
I saw an elf right then going into the building on my other side. He saw me but said nothing. He was holding some red flowers as he entered the place. I did not think long for that one but someone cursed silently, or trying to be silent, right behind me. My adrenaline shot up as I took out my sword and nearly stabbed the Nord behind me. But he took my sword hand and said his name and that he lives here. He also said that I ought not to swing something if I don't know how to use it. But that was beside the point. The Nord, Sven, was looking at the building the Elf entered, with squinted eyes and a grimace.
He told me that he and Faendal, the Elf, favored for Camilla Valerius' hand in marriage. He saw the Elf sneaking into the Riverwood Trader, the building, trying to woo Camilla. He also said something about a rat but I didn't catch it. Right then, Faendal got out with a big smile and glittering eyes. Sven grabbed me out of sight. He cursed into my ears. When Faendal turned the corner to work the mill, Sven stood me up and handed me a parchment. Written in neat words, the letter was a trap for Faendal. At first, I refused to do it but he urged me enough with the tongue that Nords seem to have and I was persuaded to agree. All I had to do was to lie to Camilla that the letter was from the Elf.
I entered the Riverwood trader, expecting the usual welcome merchants usually use but this time there were shoutings behind the door. I stood there like a dumb fool while a man and a woman argued about something. When the man suddenly noticed me, he excused himself and the woman, and welcomed me in. The woman, Camilla I presume, went by with a high nose. I went up to the man, who introduced himself as Lucan Valerius, Camilla's brother, and he apologized for the incident. I asked what happened and I wished I didn't. He told me that he was robbed but the robbers were only after one thing. An ornament, solid gold, in the shape of a dragon's claw. By that name alone, my nerves hit the ceiling and decided I was not going to investigate further. I excused myself from Lucan's persuasion of trading and spoke to Camilla.
I admit I have lied before in my life but this time, I decided not to. Perhaps by some divine intervention or perhaps maybe I didn't want to. I said to Camilla that the letter was actually from Sven and it was a trap for Faendal. She took the letter and read it. Her eyes got bigger with every line. I presume the content was harsh and decided not to ask. She calmly put the letter down and thanked for telling the truth and I should meet up with Faendal to let him know what happened. I told her I would but truthfully, I didn't want to meet up with anymore people. At the mention of the thing's name, my whole body was too tensed for casual conversations. I made my salutations and excused myself from the Riverwood Trader, with the usual "Come back again!", and I left the village altogether.
As I pull my cloak up to cover my face from the incoming rain, I wished again for the Eight Divines to hold off more obstacles in my life before I got here, to Whiterun. Of course, the only answer I got were thunders up high. I sighed and made my way to the city.
"--to be continued"
I thought Ralof was going to join me. All I got back was a stern stare and a saying that went, "You do not put put a shield above your head, if the dagger is aiming at your belly." I respected Ralof because he looked like someone I could trust my life with but this seems to be the only thing I could not trust him with. Apparently, Ralof was a Stormcloak and the Imperials are searching all over for him. So, he couldn't get out and walk around a city. Besides, he said, Jarl Balgruuf the Greater is said to be on the Imperial's side in the rebellion. After that, he was gone. I never see him again.
Gerdur handed me some supplies; food, some spare clothes and a good luck ring. She gave me a general direction to Whiterun, a city that was in the middle of Skyrim that is known throughout Tamriel as the middle point, a trading center for Skyrim. All sorts of people went and gone there. There were also rumored to hold the rare Khajiits caravan, who travel all over Tamriel to trade goods. As much as I want to discover the truth of this, I was still reminded of what happened at Helgen. My nerves has not quite settle yet.
As I got out of the house, I looked up to the sky and yes, my nose did not dissapoint me. It told me that rain was coming and indeed, hours later on the journey, rain began. But that was not the only downside of the journey. But first, I shall tell about the Riverwood trader incident.
I got out of Gerdur's house, apologizing for the stay and gratitude for taking me in for the night. She didn't smile but gave me that stern stare, almost the same as Ralof gave me, and repeated what she said to tell the Jarl. Riverwood is defenseless, and needed some guardsmen. I nodded solemnly, tried my best to look motivated. She closed the door behind me as I get out of the premise. I passed the Sleeping Giant Inn, the largest building in Riverwood. Inns usually are. The village drunkard was sleeping on the wooden floor. Not once do I like being drunk.
I saw an elf right then going into the building on my other side. He saw me but said nothing. He was holding some red flowers as he entered the place. I did not think long for that one but someone cursed silently, or trying to be silent, right behind me. My adrenaline shot up as I took out my sword and nearly stabbed the Nord behind me. But he took my sword hand and said his name and that he lives here. He also said that I ought not to swing something if I don't know how to use it. But that was beside the point. The Nord, Sven, was looking at the building the Elf entered, with squinted eyes and a grimace.
He told me that he and Faendal, the Elf, favored for Camilla Valerius' hand in marriage. He saw the Elf sneaking into the Riverwood Trader, the building, trying to woo Camilla. He also said something about a rat but I didn't catch it. Right then, Faendal got out with a big smile and glittering eyes. Sven grabbed me out of sight. He cursed into my ears. When Faendal turned the corner to work the mill, Sven stood me up and handed me a parchment. Written in neat words, the letter was a trap for Faendal. At first, I refused to do it but he urged me enough with the tongue that Nords seem to have and I was persuaded to agree. All I had to do was to lie to Camilla that the letter was from the Elf.
I entered the Riverwood trader, expecting the usual welcome merchants usually use but this time there were shoutings behind the door. I stood there like a dumb fool while a man and a woman argued about something. When the man suddenly noticed me, he excused himself and the woman, and welcomed me in. The woman, Camilla I presume, went by with a high nose. I went up to the man, who introduced himself as Lucan Valerius, Camilla's brother, and he apologized for the incident. I asked what happened and I wished I didn't. He told me that he was robbed but the robbers were only after one thing. An ornament, solid gold, in the shape of a dragon's claw. By that name alone, my nerves hit the ceiling and decided I was not going to investigate further. I excused myself from Lucan's persuasion of trading and spoke to Camilla.
I admit I have lied before in my life but this time, I decided not to. Perhaps by some divine intervention or perhaps maybe I didn't want to. I said to Camilla that the letter was actually from Sven and it was a trap for Faendal. She took the letter and read it. Her eyes got bigger with every line. I presume the content was harsh and decided not to ask. She calmly put the letter down and thanked for telling the truth and I should meet up with Faendal to let him know what happened. I told her I would but truthfully, I didn't want to meet up with anymore people. At the mention of the thing's name, my whole body was too tensed for casual conversations. I made my salutations and excused myself from the Riverwood Trader, with the usual "Come back again!", and I left the village altogether.
As I pull my cloak up to cover my face from the incoming rain, I wished again for the Eight Divines to hold off more obstacles in my life before I got here, to Whiterun. Of course, the only answer I got were thunders up high. I sighed and made my way to the city.
"--to be continued"
Jul 6, 2014
Helgen
This day couldn't get any worse. First, I was captured by the bloody Imperials, of all people I met these damn nutcases are the worst. I nearly got my head on the chopping block, praying with all my might that somehow my life will at least change something, and the out of the clear blue sky, a bloody... THING appeared out of nowhere. Well, it was too late when somebody shouted what we used to call those things. But death suddenly didn't seem a very good notion at that point. I can agree to die on imperial orders but I'm not going to die by the claws of that THING.
A dragon. Out of nowhere. And I thought that flint Argonian I met yesterday had too much skooma.
Thankfully, I don't know how else to feel, my head was still intact at that moment and one of those damned Stormcloaks got me up and we ran inside the tower. It was Helgen. And it was burning to the ground and chaos enrupted here and there. Rocks were flying and they were on flames. The skies turned crimson, and it was spewing those rocks. I saw one of the imperials draw his bow and another second he was splattered by one of the rocks. Gods help me, I don't want to die like that! When I die, at least I want my body parts still intact as much as possible.
That damn Ulfric Stormcloak, I refuse to admit him as Jarl or High King. It was because of him I got captured. The Imperials ambushed them and I somehow got in the middle of it, of all things! Well there was no turning back then. I decided to follow these bloody Stormcloaks. A Ralof got me into Helgen Keep to escape. I was unofficially recruited as a rebel and the others that we met seemed to agree with Ralof. He seemed to be Ulfric's right hand man because the others pay respect to him as much. I figured sticking with him for a while wasn't a bad idea. In that 15 minutes of confusion, I put on armor, swing a blade and killed people. As well as spiders. I have never been so abashed of myself before.
But whatever. We managed to get out of Helgen through a back door, a cave. That dragon flew out at the same time as us. Looks like he won't be coming here again soon. Ralof said he has a sister in a nearby village, Riverwood. I didn't dare split up with him. My nerves were on edge and I think I'll wet my pants more than I ever will if someone cracked a stick behind me. I was definitely on edge. Thankfully, Ralof seem to understand. Of course, one look at me and anyone would recognize a milk drinker. I don't do blade stuff that much. And until now, I've never killed anything more than a fox. That with a bow too.
Well, we got to Riverwood as fast as we can, Ralof showed me some standing stones. I know of the stories about them but this is the first time I've found it. There were etchings made into the stones to resemble figures. There were three of them. One was a warrior, holding an axe and a shield, a second was a mage, with a staff and a robe, and the other a thief, with a dagger on one hand an a cloak. Ralof didn't feel safe, so we hurried by as quickly as we can. Riverwood was a small village, newly made I think. There were only a handful of people here. Gerdur, Ralof's sister, and her husband greeted us at the mill they were working. Ralof introduced me, thankfully not as a comrade, and that he owe me his life. Actually, I think it's the other way around.
Ralof told the two about the incident at Helgen. There was a river beside us, I took a little wash to clean out the dust from my face and hands. The water was cold and fresh and it hit me like one those flaming rocks that that bloody dragon saved my life. Well, of course he would've killed me too if he got the chance but that was beside the point. I didn't know what to do at those moments and here I am, consorting with rebels. Fate is not in my favor this day at all. Gerdur agreed to help Ralof and me. Hod, the husband, showed us to their place. They put up a makeshift bed, with haystacks, for us to sleep on. Hod got us some bread and cheese with ale. I ate it up like a hungry little boy. For that matter, this is the first real meal I had since days ago.
Now, the time of the day is coming to an end. Fatigue got the best of me now. I hoped that tomorrow might bring a brighter light into my life for once. I never want to see another damn dragon again.
A dragon. Out of nowhere. And I thought that flint Argonian I met yesterday had too much skooma.
Thankfully, I don't know how else to feel, my head was still intact at that moment and one of those damned Stormcloaks got me up and we ran inside the tower. It was Helgen. And it was burning to the ground and chaos enrupted here and there. Rocks were flying and they were on flames. The skies turned crimson, and it was spewing those rocks. I saw one of the imperials draw his bow and another second he was splattered by one of the rocks. Gods help me, I don't want to die like that! When I die, at least I want my body parts still intact as much as possible.
That damn Ulfric Stormcloak, I refuse to admit him as Jarl or High King. It was because of him I got captured. The Imperials ambushed them and I somehow got in the middle of it, of all things! Well there was no turning back then. I decided to follow these bloody Stormcloaks. A Ralof got me into Helgen Keep to escape. I was unofficially recruited as a rebel and the others that we met seemed to agree with Ralof. He seemed to be Ulfric's right hand man because the others pay respect to him as much. I figured sticking with him for a while wasn't a bad idea. In that 15 minutes of confusion, I put on armor, swing a blade and killed people. As well as spiders. I have never been so abashed of myself before.
But whatever. We managed to get out of Helgen through a back door, a cave. That dragon flew out at the same time as us. Looks like he won't be coming here again soon. Ralof said he has a sister in a nearby village, Riverwood. I didn't dare split up with him. My nerves were on edge and I think I'll wet my pants more than I ever will if someone cracked a stick behind me. I was definitely on edge. Thankfully, Ralof seem to understand. Of course, one look at me and anyone would recognize a milk drinker. I don't do blade stuff that much. And until now, I've never killed anything more than a fox. That with a bow too.
Well, we got to Riverwood as fast as we can, Ralof showed me some standing stones. I know of the stories about them but this is the first time I've found it. There were etchings made into the stones to resemble figures. There were three of them. One was a warrior, holding an axe and a shield, a second was a mage, with a staff and a robe, and the other a thief, with a dagger on one hand an a cloak. Ralof didn't feel safe, so we hurried by as quickly as we can. Riverwood was a small village, newly made I think. There were only a handful of people here. Gerdur, Ralof's sister, and her husband greeted us at the mill they were working. Ralof introduced me, thankfully not as a comrade, and that he owe me his life. Actually, I think it's the other way around.
Ralof told the two about the incident at Helgen. There was a river beside us, I took a little wash to clean out the dust from my face and hands. The water was cold and fresh and it hit me like one those flaming rocks that that bloody dragon saved my life. Well, of course he would've killed me too if he got the chance but that was beside the point. I didn't know what to do at those moments and here I am, consorting with rebels. Fate is not in my favor this day at all. Gerdur agreed to help Ralof and me. Hod, the husband, showed us to their place. They put up a makeshift bed, with haystacks, for us to sleep on. Hod got us some bread and cheese with ale. I ate it up like a hungry little boy. For that matter, this is the first real meal I had since days ago.
Now, the time of the day is coming to an end. Fatigue got the best of me now. I hoped that tomorrow might bring a brighter light into my life for once. I never want to see another damn dragon again.
Feb 27, 2014
Fury towards a Wall
I'm angry.
Why are you angry?
I don't know.
You do know why you're angry.
Because I don't get what I want.
So's the guy who's struggling to make money for his starving family.
That has nothing to do with this.
But when you look at it that way, what you want and what he wants, it's about the same.
What are you saying?
What I'm saying is for you to suck it up.
Easy for you to say.
You're just being a cry baby who cries when he doesn't get his candy.
It's a good candy.
Still a candy.
You don't know what it feels like.
I don't care.
Shut up.
Suck it up and stop crying, cry baby.
I said, SHUT UP.
...
Why are you angry?
I don't know.
You do know why you're angry.
Because I don't get what I want.
So's the guy who's struggling to make money for his starving family.
That has nothing to do with this.
But when you look at it that way, what you want and what he wants, it's about the same.
What are you saying?
What I'm saying is for you to suck it up.
Easy for you to say.
You're just being a cry baby who cries when he doesn't get his candy.
It's a good candy.
Still a candy.
You don't know what it feels like.
I don't care.
Shut up.
Suck it up and stop crying, cry baby.
I said, SHUT UP.
...
Feb 8, 2014
Demons Inside
This is the images that flash through my eyes as I listen to that^. Not for the weak hearted. Sorry.
The sea foam rolls on the short beach, pulled by the current, pushed by the waves. The golden sand reflects the dawning sun's lights, making mirages over eyes. The blue skies speckled with glittering morning stars, it's radiant colour calms the souls. Over the edge of a bridge, a pair of eyes see back its reflections. The eyes' black irises look back into it's own mirrors. The sleepless nights made dark rings around them, with small veins contrasts the yellowing whites of the eyeball.
The sun climbs a little bit more. There was nobody else anywhere. The piers creak slowly and the waves climb over the beach. Yet, the head of the person were nothing but quiet, voices inside ask questions, answer back and argue over decisions. The face contorts to keep them quiet. Long has it been since the voices grow quiet. Mirrors of the soul mirror themselves into endless blackness.
The sun climbs still. Footsteps heard on the wooden pier. Yet none stopped. How could they? Their voices were whispers in his ears, echoing in his brain. Soundless noises of amalgam voices. They die in the ears.
Another person paused at the piers. Looked over the edges and sobs surface. Tears over the eyes bubble up and flow over the face. The hands cupped to keep the mouth from more than sobs. Yet, the tears flow freely down, like a loose dam. Cries grit the teeth. A name reached them.
The black eyes look up and see the other. Yet, only those eyes can see the other. How can the other ever truly see something that cannot be seen? The voices hushed. Only a name was said, over and over again. The legs try to pull the body up, yet they do not budge. If they only can. The other's cries pierce the ears, stings the heart. Yet it is too late.
Another approaches the other. Consoled the shoulders. They nervously shudder more and more. Until it cannot hold the pressure inside. Yet those black eyes can only look. Full of sorrow and regrets. Amendments reach the mouth. Yet it is too late.
The eyes look over the pier. Mirrors of the soul mirror themselves into endless blackness. The sun reaches the end and dusk reached out.
Some miles from there. A stone with engraving. The name of the person and dates. It has only been some weeks since the last date. The soil was fresh compared to the others. The body inside decomposes slowly.
The legs can never budge. A large stone was tied to it. The eyes can never remove the sights from the foams, the reflections. Sky would not accept, and the soil spouts back, and the sea touches not the skin. The black eyes can only wait for the world to end. Regrets filled them. Yet it is too late.
For the living, never give up hope. For the dead, may they reach peace one day.
Jan 28, 2014
That turned out better than expected
Algorithm - D (ouch haha)
Islamic studies - B+ (wow... didnt expect that)
Database - C (Expected.)
Web Application and Design - B+ (okayyyyyyyyyyyy....)
Network - B+ (lol wut thought i failed this...)
CGPA - 2.69 from 2.78
Ouch. But hey, I thought it was going to be a lot worse you know... especially the Network. God.
Algoritm and Data Structure. Oh yes. I like the subject, the lecturer, the discussion but hey... I was being kind of a jerk most of the time, I realize that now but hey, when you are being presented something that you actually like, something you actually want to learn, you can't help yourself but be... passionate about it you know...
Turns out being responsive and active in class also means being a jerk.
Okay, sure. I can assume the "old" me and just be quiet and sit at the side as usual as before but hey, let's face it.
It's a university, man, not a frikkin secondary school where the teachers are the one who gives you the knowledge and that's the only knowledge you need to pass the frikkin exam.... But I suppose it is my fault... Being loud just isn't my thing...
Well. Back to the old white board guys because we gotta scrap this plan of being active and participating in class. We gotta be silent and passive again.
Or not.
Islamic studies - B+ (wow... didnt expect that)
Database - C (Expected.)
Web Application and Design - B+ (okayyyyyyyyyyyy....)
Network - B+ (lol wut thought i failed this...)
CGPA - 2.69 from 2.78
Ouch. But hey, I thought it was going to be a lot worse you know... especially the Network. God.
Algoritm and Data Structure. Oh yes. I like the subject, the lecturer, the discussion but hey... I was being kind of a jerk most of the time, I realize that now but hey, when you are being presented something that you actually like, something you actually want to learn, you can't help yourself but be... passionate about it you know...
Turns out being responsive and active in class also means being a jerk.
Okay, sure. I can assume the "old" me and just be quiet and sit at the side as usual as before but hey, let's face it.
It's a university, man, not a frikkin secondary school where the teachers are the one who gives you the knowledge and that's the only knowledge you need to pass the frikkin exam.... But I suppose it is my fault... Being loud just isn't my thing...
Well. Back to the old white board guys because we gotta scrap this plan of being active and participating in class. We gotta be silent and passive again.
Or not.
Jan 26, 2014
He bought me another thing. Again.
I don't know about you guys but my father, my beloved father, is always buying me things without me asking for it. And then he said he has no more money.
Well, dad do you know why you're out of money? Because you're spending it on me... Stop doing that and see what happens.
I'm not saying I don't appreciate the things he gave to me. Food, shelter, clothes, this laptop and lots of money have gone into me. I really appreciate that. But the more I realize how much he's spending, the less I want to realize how much he's spending.
Today, i mean yesterday, after dinner he brought me to the Samsung shop and bought me a frikkin Galaxy Tab 3 10.1. I was like, "Oh no. Not again."
He wants my old Tab 2 to be given to my sister and he wants to exchange it for the new one. I COULD'VE said, I don't need another one but the look on his face when he wants to buy me something... you could've sprout a rainbow from it.
So here it is. The Tab.
It looks brand new because it is brand new.
I have yet to configure the things in it. Plan to equip it with a lot of internet connectivity and maybe start a new journal from it and so on. Depressing thoughts are always present anyway haha so why not write it down right?
Also... I'm thinking of buying DaGi's stylus for this one. I mean, it certainly looks convincingly useful, that's for sure.
One tip guys. Keep most things in DIGITAL FORM. Whatever paper work you have, scan it, store it inside a safe storage device. Trust me you do NOT want to be like my ex-roommate who has 5 boxes for books and papers only. God, my arms never felt that heavy before....
Second post of the (early) day. Wow.
Good night, I love you and bye.
Well, dad do you know why you're out of money? Because you're spending it on me... Stop doing that and see what happens.
I'm not saying I don't appreciate the things he gave to me. Food, shelter, clothes, this laptop and lots of money have gone into me. I really appreciate that. But the more I realize how much he's spending, the less I want to realize how much he's spending.
Today, i mean yesterday, after dinner he brought me to the Samsung shop and bought me a frikkin Galaxy Tab 3 10.1. I was like, "Oh no. Not again."
He wants my old Tab 2 to be given to my sister and he wants to exchange it for the new one. I COULD'VE said, I don't need another one but the look on his face when he wants to buy me something... you could've sprout a rainbow from it.
So here it is. The Tab.
It looks brand new because it is brand new.
I have yet to configure the things in it. Plan to equip it with a lot of internet connectivity and maybe start a new journal from it and so on. Depressing thoughts are always present anyway haha so why not write it down right?
Also... I'm thinking of buying DaGi's stylus for this one. I mean, it certainly looks convincingly useful, that's for sure.
One tip guys. Keep most things in DIGITAL FORM. Whatever paper work you have, scan it, store it inside a safe storage device. Trust me you do NOT want to be like my ex-roommate who has 5 boxes for books and papers only. God, my arms never felt that heavy before....
Second post of the (early) day. Wow.
Good night, I love you and bye.
I suppose it is my fault.
Right. Let's get on with this, shall we?
I will get straight to today's topic: Hope.
Hope. What is it? By MY definition, it is the presence of a certain faith that things are going to be alright.
It hurts not talking to her. It hurts talking to her.
Such dilemma.
Well, thanks to my ever faithful self, I present to you a solution. Blame it on yourself.
Torture yourself, so that the other person do not feel the same.
Now, before I get to the part where I break down and start flinging words, I will give you Hope. She is not totally lost. Delusional? Let it be so because it stops the pain. I'll take anything to stop the pain short of worshipping other deities, or killing myself. Drugs? I wish I could get ahold of some cough medicine so that I can actually sleep soundly for a night.
To you girls and mothers out there. I present to you a modal of a person:
- 24 years old
- Independent
- Has a permanent job
- Smart
- Hardworking
- Responsible
- Spiritual
Wow. Much handsome. Such victory. Much want.
Well, guess what, mothers? You can have him as your son-in-law, and maybe get a few grandchildren with perfect hair, body and personality just like their father.
I suppose I have myself to blame. I did not exercise, I did not take care of my body, I sleep late, I'm always playing games, I'm lazy and I'm not that responsible sometimes.
Here's the catch. You do not know this guy yet, but he SEEMS to be a nice guy. Well, if this guy is not a nice guy, I don't know who is.
So, you (mother) go up to him and say, "Will you see my daughter?"
He said, "Why not?"
And off they go to the parent's home and voila, nice to meet you, nice to meet you too, here she is, smiley smiley.
Ah. Seems perfect. It's like true love. Based on mother's instincts too. Wow.
They got to know each other, the guy likes the girl, the girl likes the guy. Soon after, wedding day.
They got happily married, have children, smile all the time. Happily ever after.
Wish it could've been that easy. I mean, who wouldn't want it to be that easy, right?
So, consider another case:
- 20 years old
- Dependent on his parents for money, shelter and food.
- Student. Not that great either.
- Average. Sometimes a little bit lower.
- Lazy ass.
- Not so responsible.
- Not so spiritual.
Nope. One look at this guy, and you know he's going nowhere. Not even out of the parent's house. I mean, COME ON look at that eyebrows eeww, and that crooked mouth OH GOD, and that smell... what is that smell? Is he wearing his pants lower than his waist? Who in blazes do that?
This guy does.
But wait up. First judgements aside, when you open your eyes... you can actually see that his eyebrows are not that bushy. Only most of the time it looks bushy, because he's always thinking... thinking about something... thinking on how to make the best of his day.
Wait up again. You ask him... "Why are you depending on your parents?" The guy looks up and answered, "Because they don't let me work... They want me to study." Oh. Would you look at that.
Wait a minute... that smell... You look to the side and you saw someone had puked over the side road and it smells so bad. Then you look a the guy... he smells faintly of deodorant. Oh. Okay.
Wait wait wait... when you look closer... his mouth is crooked because he's always frowning. And that scar on his nose... the doctor apparently pulled the skin above his lips up to patch the tear. Poor guy. Must've fallen off the stairs or something.
I'm not one to say who I am. I'm the worst judge anyone can ever be, trust me. Call me Hakim all you want, but I'm the worst judge in the world.
I once had a friend. His name was Amirul Adli. One day we had a fight. I hit him on the head; I pulled his head down and punch him right there at the back of the head. I was so angry at the time, I didn't know what happened until after it happened.
I wanted to ask forgiveness from him but I know we are not going to be friends anymore. I was fat, he was thin. I was slow, he was FAST. He's good at math but he's not so good in english. We were nigh inseperable.
I couldn't go on to that tuition anymore. Everytime I do, I remember him and I felt like a weight had pressed me down on my back. I couldn't gulp saliva and I couldn't breath. After the fight, he went out of the room and entered the other one that was empty. After a while, I went after him and I said I was sorry. I held out a hand, he slapped it and he cried like I've never seen anyone cried before.
We went back home in silence. I cried in the shower back home, thinking back on how I started it first. It was me who punched him first, even though he was my only friend at that time.
He transferred school. I stayed.
We crossed paths once or twice. I smiled at him and he smiled at me. We never went more than that.
I think that was the first clear rejection I've ever had. And it was my fault.
Ever since then, I was afraid of my anger. I was afraid of what I will become if I let go of my feelings. It dawned on me that I'm a big man, small head, big hands. People see me as if I'm a giant. I was afraid of what I have grown into.
If you see me down the road, say hi to me, hold out a hand. I will say hi back to you and shake that hand. But after that, you decide.
I also found out that I'm sentimental. And sensitive.
Good night, i love you and bye.
Jan 23, 2014
More Ranting.
It is 1:50 AM on a Thursday early morning.
So, a lot has come and gone. A lot of things and stuffs has resolved itself and now my parents have some time for me.
Some time meaning perhaps half an hour.
"Move on... She's not right for you... Maybe this is an oppurtinity..." and so on has been offered by my loving mother. Meanwhile, my father keeps making jokes about girlfriends, wives and kids. The irony.
I'm keeping quiet of course. No talking back to your parents, remember? Keep it in your chest, do not blame anyone, keep improving yourself.
I have successfully make a habit of watching the time for the 5 times prayer. *clap*clap*clap*
What I have not successfully done is the "move on" part. Apparently, I still want her. She's kind, caring, loving, beautiful, happy and understanding. But most of all, she understands what I say. That, my friends, is a clue that a person is meant to be by your side for a while.
It hurts when you try to talk with someone, but the person just doesn't want to reply. Answer. It hurts to be ignored. It hurts more when you know for one small thing, big consequences apply. She wanted to call her this evening, I did and... she went straight to the "bye" part without that one sentence. What I have been trying to glue together has now come apart again.
I did say the sentence, fully knowing (or perhaps not) about what has to come after that. I skipped the boyfriend part and straight to husband. After all, that's what nice people do, right? It's what nice people are being told to do. By the community. You like the girl? Find her parents, offer some money, get a ring, BOOM she's yours. Because coupling is for bad people, and I do not want her to be a bad person.
The more I say, the more I want to get out. So, in order to save whoever is reading this some precious time, I get to the point.
I didn't even get to the first step. Find her parents. It stopped right there. Like a huge banner portraying the single thing that's wrong with me and I need to fix it ASAP. You guys know what it is if you read the post before. Small thing, big consequences.
I'm not saying her part is somewhat too early to judge me. It's never too early to judge someone who's perhaps going to be guiding your daughter. I'm not saying I hate anyone either (Don't blame anyone). Just keep your heads up, and stay on the track that you're going to fix this and you're going to make it right. However, nobody said how LONG the track is going to be and how SHORT a human's patience can be.
Being perfect is not about being true to everyone. Being perfect is about being true to a special case.
Take one example:
An apple that wants to be perfect for a person has to be:
a) Red
b) Juicy
c) Circular
d) Big
But it changes from one person to another. Another person would want an apple that is:
a) Green
b) Solid
c) Circular
d) Medium sized
The trick to being perfect, is to list up the criteria needed to be perfect for a special case. In my case, the perfection part comes up short of one single thing. You can find out what it is in the previous post.
Now, some of you may have been saying that I am delusional and I'm just seeing things that I want to see. When in fact, a bigger picture is in effect.Well you know what, you can never see the bigger picture because the bigger picture would ALWAYS involve the correct future. The future that we're going to have RIGHT NOW.
bla bla bla bla... But dude, you're just being "philosophical" about this. Say this thing in layman's terms, man.
Life is like a river. "Oh boy, here we go again." Don't leave just yet.
The river has to flow SOMEWHERE. Most of us know that rivers flow to the sea where it joins other rivers into a big pool of water.
Now, imagine you are a fish in the river and you cannot do ANYTHING to go to the other direction. But you can steer yourself to avoid, jump over, or butthead yourself the deathly rocks that are at the bottom of the river. You can also just ignore those rocks. You can even try to MOVE the rocks by simply charge into it as fast as you can.
But you will never know what rocks will be coming at you and when the bloody ashes are you going to get to the sea. Now that is ONE river. With ONE fish.
Other rivers may join yours. Other fishes would catch up to you. Other times, you don't even know that the rock you're trying to push, is the same rock that 60 other fishes are trying to push too. Other times, you may just find that other fishy that you like. And come to appreciate, love and caress.
Until the river splits apart.
And then you come to see that you can never see what's coming ahead. You can never know for sure what the future holds. In order to make a bigger picture, you need to know what the future is going to be. That is quite impossible.
So let's recap.
Judgemental is not a human flaw, it is what makes us human. Judgement demands perfection. But perfection is only to a special case. The special case is the "big picture" and we can never know what it is because we cannot see the correct future.
You want an equation? Fine.
J =/= F, J = Hu.
J <----> P, where P ---> Sc.
Sc = Pic, where Pic (x-->infinity) = 0.
J = Judgement
F = Flaw
Hu = Human
P = Perfection
Sc = Special Case
Pic = Big Picture.
If you don't know what the arrow and the double arrow is, look up "implications" on mathematics. If you see x ---> infinity = 0, it means you can never know what it is until you see it BUT you can get very close to it.
That's it for today's philosophical and maths hybrid lesson, please comment your answers for the homeworks and don't forget to review the chapter on "Humanity." We are going to go through that after this, I'm quite sure.
Homework
In one sentence, less than 15 characters, explain what is meant by Big Picture.
Good night, I love you and bye.
So, a lot has come and gone. A lot of things and stuffs has resolved itself and now my parents have some time for me.
Some time meaning perhaps half an hour.
"Move on... She's not right for you... Maybe this is an oppurtinity..." and so on has been offered by my loving mother. Meanwhile, my father keeps making jokes about girlfriends, wives and kids. The irony.
I'm keeping quiet of course. No talking back to your parents, remember? Keep it in your chest, do not blame anyone, keep improving yourself.
I have successfully make a habit of watching the time for the 5 times prayer. *clap*clap*clap*
What I have not successfully done is the "move on" part. Apparently, I still want her. She's kind, caring, loving, beautiful, happy and understanding. But most of all, she understands what I say. That, my friends, is a clue that a person is meant to be by your side for a while.
It hurts when you try to talk with someone, but the person just doesn't want to reply. Answer. It hurts to be ignored. It hurts more when you know for one small thing, big consequences apply. She wanted to call her this evening, I did and... she went straight to the "bye" part without that one sentence. What I have been trying to glue together has now come apart again.
I did say the sentence, fully knowing (or perhaps not) about what has to come after that. I skipped the boyfriend part and straight to husband. After all, that's what nice people do, right? It's what nice people are being told to do. By the community. You like the girl? Find her parents, offer some money, get a ring, BOOM she's yours. Because coupling is for bad people, and I do not want her to be a bad person.
The more I say, the more I want to get out. So, in order to save whoever is reading this some precious time, I get to the point.
I didn't even get to the first step. Find her parents. It stopped right there. Like a huge banner portraying the single thing that's wrong with me and I need to fix it ASAP. You guys know what it is if you read the post before. Small thing, big consequences.
I'm not saying her part is somewhat too early to judge me. It's never too early to judge someone who's perhaps going to be guiding your daughter. I'm not saying I hate anyone either (Don't blame anyone). Just keep your heads up, and stay on the track that you're going to fix this and you're going to make it right. However, nobody said how LONG the track is going to be and how SHORT a human's patience can be.
Being perfect is not about being true to everyone. Being perfect is about being true to a special case.
Take one example:
An apple that wants to be perfect for a person has to be:
a) Red
b) Juicy
c) Circular
d) Big
But it changes from one person to another. Another person would want an apple that is:
a) Green
b) Solid
c) Circular
d) Medium sized
The trick to being perfect, is to list up the criteria needed to be perfect for a special case. In my case, the perfection part comes up short of one single thing. You can find out what it is in the previous post.
Now, some of you may have been saying that I am delusional and I'm just seeing things that I want to see. When in fact, a bigger picture is in effect.Well you know what, you can never see the bigger picture because the bigger picture would ALWAYS involve the correct future. The future that we're going to have RIGHT NOW.
bla bla bla bla... But dude, you're just being "philosophical" about this. Say this thing in layman's terms, man.
Life is like a river. "Oh boy, here we go again." Don't leave just yet.
The river has to flow SOMEWHERE. Most of us know that rivers flow to the sea where it joins other rivers into a big pool of water.
Now, imagine you are a fish in the river and you cannot do ANYTHING to go to the other direction. But you can steer yourself to avoid, jump over, or butthead yourself the deathly rocks that are at the bottom of the river. You can also just ignore those rocks. You can even try to MOVE the rocks by simply charge into it as fast as you can.
But you will never know what rocks will be coming at you and when the bloody ashes are you going to get to the sea. Now that is ONE river. With ONE fish.
Other rivers may join yours. Other fishes would catch up to you. Other times, you don't even know that the rock you're trying to push, is the same rock that 60 other fishes are trying to push too. Other times, you may just find that other fishy that you like. And come to appreciate, love and caress.
Until the river splits apart.
And then you come to see that you can never see what's coming ahead. You can never know for sure what the future holds. In order to make a bigger picture, you need to know what the future is going to be. That is quite impossible.
So let's recap.
Judgemental is not a human flaw, it is what makes us human. Judgement demands perfection. But perfection is only to a special case. The special case is the "big picture" and we can never know what it is because we cannot see the correct future.
You want an equation? Fine.
J =/= F, J = Hu.
J <----> P, where P ---> Sc.
Sc = Pic, where Pic (x-->infinity) = 0.
J = Judgement
F = Flaw
Hu = Human
P = Perfection
Sc = Special Case
Pic = Big Picture.
If you don't know what the arrow and the double arrow is, look up "implications" on mathematics. If you see x ---> infinity = 0, it means you can never know what it is until you see it BUT you can get very close to it.
That's it for today's philosophical and maths hybrid lesson, please comment your answers for the homeworks and don't forget to review the chapter on "Humanity." We are going to go through that after this, I'm quite sure.
Homework
In one sentence, less than 15 characters, explain what is meant by Big Picture.
Good night, I love you and bye.
Jan 17, 2014
Excuse me
...but I'm a bit emotional right now.
It's 1:58 A.M. and my eyes are begging me to sleep but I just can't.
So excuse me while I rant.
Save her? SAVE HER FROM WHAT???? I don't get it. I just don't get it.
She probably thinks I kill and eat children while worshipping a washing machine for washing my laundries and drink snake's blood because it grants me strength.
She wants me to pray? Okay, fine. I am praying and I'm being a good boy. But her eyes are clouded with the vision of a perfect son-in-law or whatever you call that position. Do you want to know what kind of perfect? Here, let me tell you:
1) A handsome face.
2) A pure heart that has never committed one bit of sin.
3) A body to match said handsome face.
4) Probably a beard, trimmed to perfection.
5) A career that has launched itself on the person's handsomeness and coolness and whatever-ness from the age of 4.
6) Supports a certain group of politicians.
7) Obey the law.
8) Work hard and work smart and have lots of money that can support 10 families at once.
9) Give charity everyday but never runs out of money.
10) Smiles. With perfect teeth. [Unfortunately for me, my front teeth didnt grow right.]
11) A clean and neat room with little flowers here and there and of course, a king's bed with the scent of violets drifting in the air.
12) Everything. Has. To. Be. Perfect.
I can't even go up to half of what the requirements are. Oh you think that's it? You haven't seen anything yet, BABE.
You know, in Malaysia (Malay culture), in order for a man to get engaged with a woman, said man must have:
1) Money.
2) More money.
3) If enough money, refer to 2. If not, refer to 1.
4) A ring.
Aye. I said that again and again every time I have the chance to free my thoughts. It's not about the "How," it's about the "How MUCH?"
I am so sad right now, heartbroken actually, and a long time ago because of certain incidents, a transformer has been installed inside me that converts sadness to anger.
And right now, the transformer is working HAAARRRDDDDDDD.
All the anger has been stored inside a room labeled "Do Not Open. Seriously." and I have taken a lot of actions and humiliations to obey that sign. But dammit, sooner or later the room is going to burst. And right now, the door is really pushing it's hinges.
God, I don't know what's worse. Is it the pain of losing something that has been a part of your life or is it the sadness that keeps rolling in when the pain goes numb, hence making said pain, pain-er.
I supposed this is my punishment. Divine punishment if you want it. I was wrong. I has sinned. A lot actually. There. Boom. I said it. I am so sorry. I will pray and I am trying to sleep to wake up for Subuh prayer but dammit, the pain keeps me awake. It was never this painful since... since... I don't know this is the first time I've felt like this before and yeah, I'm 20 years old with no license, no degrees, no friends (very few), and probably.... no life.
I didn't drink alcohol, I'm still a virgin, I didn't steal anything, I never gambled (without knowing what it actually means... betting is gambling and around 11 years old I betted on a game of football. I was young and I didn't know betting is gambling.) I don't ride motorcycles, I didn't talk back to my parents (each time I want to, a warning in my head comes up that says "Anak Derhaka.") But dammit, I didn't perform my prayers. I suppose... that counts as sin also...
I didn't finish the Quran also, did you know that? Yeah and I'm 20. Wow. Okay. Boy. I am so fu- crapped up. Full of poop.
Did I tell you I didn't know how to recite the Qunut? Yeah... that piece of doa that you're supposed to say in subuh prayer? yeaahhhhhhhh... "Then, how did you perfrom Subuh prayer?" Either I don't or I skip the Qunut.
Let's see, what else... Ah yes.
I have seen pornograhy. Ouch. But these days, when I mean these days I mean THESE DAYS, I haven't watched anything suspicious. The thought didn't even occur to me, which is a very sensational achievement to me. Really. Of course I do something to myself when I watched those things. I was lonely and there was nobody to talk to except the internet. Google was very helpful I guess. But since... Rabbia, porn was.. just... I don't know I suppose it just goes out of my system without me knowing it haha
What else... hmm...
Oh yes. Delicious part. Let's see... I didn't perfom my prayers. The 5 times prayers. Friday prayer? Almost most of the time, I assure you. No because of rain, overslept etc etc. But that 5 times prayer a day is pretty important. Very important and I haven't done it in.. oh... since 12? Did I mention I was 20? Yeah.
I know, I know. I'm a bad guy, and I need to fix this. Fortunately for me, I know how to.
Just do the 5 prayers all day erryday. I know how to and you CAN read from a book for the Qunut part, right? I mean... I can't memorize all that in one night... I have a bad memory.
"How can a man be loyal to a girl when he can't even keep his loyalty to God?" Oh wow. That hit me right here, man. Like a solid arrow. It actually hurts physically when I read that. Aloud, it's even worse.
I want to be with Rabbia... Really. I actually cried for real. And I haven't cried for a real for a long time before this. I think that's why my eyes hurt right now. I love her and I know she loves me but there's a middle woman that keep us from each other and that's her mom. I suppose she's doing a really great job, detecting a bad person from miles away haha
I can't just forget you, dear... Please..... I can forget about a lot of things but when you say "Good night, I love you, bye" to a person everyday and suddenly stops like this... It hurts the part where you define who you are and the brain just sort of, "Whoops. Where are the words? WHERE ARE THE WORDS??? IF I DON'T GET THE WORDS NOW, I WILL CONTINUE TYPING IN CAPS LOCK"
So. Her mom doesn't like me because I don't perform the prayers. Simple enough.
But how... can she know... that I actually perform them? When she doesn't even want to talk to me....
What's so bad about me.... that keeps people away from me.
I tell you what.
Divine Intervention. Done.
I hope I can sleep.
Good night, dear. I love you so much Rabbia... Bye.
It's 1:58 A.M. and my eyes are begging me to sleep but I just can't.
So excuse me while I rant.
Save her? SAVE HER FROM WHAT???? I don't get it. I just don't get it.
She probably thinks I kill and eat children while worshipping a washing machine for washing my laundries and drink snake's blood because it grants me strength.
She wants me to pray? Okay, fine. I am praying and I'm being a good boy. But her eyes are clouded with the vision of a perfect son-in-law or whatever you call that position. Do you want to know what kind of perfect? Here, let me tell you:
1) A handsome face.
2) A pure heart that has never committed one bit of sin.
3) A body to match said handsome face.
4) Probably a beard, trimmed to perfection.
5) A career that has launched itself on the person's handsomeness and coolness and whatever-ness from the age of 4.
6) Supports a certain group of politicians.
7) Obey the law.
8) Work hard and work smart and have lots of money that can support 10 families at once.
9) Give charity everyday but never runs out of money.
10) Smiles. With perfect teeth. [Unfortunately for me, my front teeth didnt grow right.]
11) A clean and neat room with little flowers here and there and of course, a king's bed with the scent of violets drifting in the air.
12) Everything. Has. To. Be. Perfect.
I can't even go up to half of what the requirements are. Oh you think that's it? You haven't seen anything yet, BABE.
You know, in Malaysia (Malay culture), in order for a man to get engaged with a woman, said man must have:
1) Money.
2) More money.
3) If enough money, refer to 2. If not, refer to 1.
4) A ring.
Aye. I said that again and again every time I have the chance to free my thoughts. It's not about the "How," it's about the "How MUCH?"
I am so sad right now, heartbroken actually, and a long time ago because of certain incidents, a transformer has been installed inside me that converts sadness to anger.
And right now, the transformer is working HAAARRRDDDDDDD.
All the anger has been stored inside a room labeled "Do Not Open. Seriously." and I have taken a lot of actions and humiliations to obey that sign. But dammit, sooner or later the room is going to burst. And right now, the door is really pushing it's hinges.
God, I don't know what's worse. Is it the pain of losing something that has been a part of your life or is it the sadness that keeps rolling in when the pain goes numb, hence making said pain, pain-er.
I supposed this is my punishment. Divine punishment if you want it. I was wrong. I has sinned. A lot actually. There. Boom. I said it. I am so sorry. I will pray and I am trying to sleep to wake up for Subuh prayer but dammit, the pain keeps me awake. It was never this painful since... since... I don't know this is the first time I've felt like this before and yeah, I'm 20 years old with no license, no degrees, no friends (very few), and probably.... no life.
I didn't drink alcohol, I'm still a virgin, I didn't steal anything, I never gambled (without knowing what it actually means... betting is gambling and around 11 years old I betted on a game of football. I was young and I didn't know betting is gambling.) I don't ride motorcycles, I didn't talk back to my parents (each time I want to, a warning in my head comes up that says "Anak Derhaka.") But dammit, I didn't perform my prayers. I suppose... that counts as sin also...
I didn't finish the Quran also, did you know that? Yeah and I'm 20. Wow. Okay. Boy. I am so fu- crapped up. Full of poop.
Did I tell you I didn't know how to recite the Qunut? Yeah... that piece of doa that you're supposed to say in subuh prayer? yeaahhhhhhhh... "Then, how did you perfrom Subuh prayer?" Either I don't or I skip the Qunut.
Let's see, what else... Ah yes.
I have seen pornograhy. Ouch. But these days, when I mean these days I mean THESE DAYS, I haven't watched anything suspicious. The thought didn't even occur to me, which is a very sensational achievement to me. Really. Of course I do something to myself when I watched those things. I was lonely and there was nobody to talk to except the internet. Google was very helpful I guess. But since... Rabbia, porn was.. just... I don't know I suppose it just goes out of my system without me knowing it haha
What else... hmm...
Oh yes. Delicious part. Let's see... I didn't perfom my prayers. The 5 times prayers. Friday prayer? Almost most of the time, I assure you. No because of rain, overslept etc etc. But that 5 times prayer a day is pretty important. Very important and I haven't done it in.. oh... since 12? Did I mention I was 20? Yeah.
I know, I know. I'm a bad guy, and I need to fix this. Fortunately for me, I know how to.
Just do the 5 prayers all day erryday. I know how to and you CAN read from a book for the Qunut part, right? I mean... I can't memorize all that in one night... I have a bad memory.
"How can a man be loyal to a girl when he can't even keep his loyalty to God?" Oh wow. That hit me right here, man. Like a solid arrow. It actually hurts physically when I read that. Aloud, it's even worse.
I want to be with Rabbia... Really. I actually cried for real. And I haven't cried for a real for a long time before this. I think that's why my eyes hurt right now. I love her and I know she loves me but there's a middle woman that keep us from each other and that's her mom. I suppose she's doing a really great job, detecting a bad person from miles away haha
I can't just forget you, dear... Please..... I can forget about a lot of things but when you say "Good night, I love you, bye" to a person everyday and suddenly stops like this... It hurts the part where you define who you are and the brain just sort of, "Whoops. Where are the words? WHERE ARE THE WORDS??? IF I DON'T GET THE WORDS NOW, I WILL CONTINUE TYPING IN CAPS LOCK"
So. Her mom doesn't like me because I don't perform the prayers. Simple enough.
But how... can she know... that I actually perform them? When she doesn't even want to talk to me....
What's so bad about me.... that keeps people away from me.
I tell you what.
Divine Intervention. Done.
I hope I can sleep.
Good night, dear. I love you so much Rabbia... Bye.
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