Today wasn't bad.
Today wasn't good either.
Normally, I would've called it quite a contradiction, whatever it is, from the moment I set my foot into the lecture hall that something was wrong. I know because, as you know too, that I have quite an instinct or guts feeling. At first, yeah I thought that it was some kind of nervousness, I should've known that transferring from a university to another was kinda like the same for schools. I used to switch schools, as you know, so I didn't think that much about universities.
It was like, half an hour still for the lecture to begin, so I took a step in, took some looks around (the place was empty except for some girls at a corner and a couple talking conspicuously over one side), and I decided if I'm founded out being the only single here, attention will be concentrated on me. And so, I take back my leg and walked away.
So I spent the next 20 minutes walking around, trying to find out where everything is. The campus here is larger than the last one. I had to redouble back to see where everything is. What interested me was, there was only two vending machines in this huge building and the drinks suck. But I don't drink those much, so I don't really care. But whatever it is, 20 minutes passed quite fast.
I take a step in.
And stopped dead.
The whole hall was filled from one end to the other. Not quite a scene for a university but I was taken aback for some while.
So, I chose a seat, not that far to the front nor too on the back.
And I had to choose one sit away from a person I used to know.
You would've been surprised at how surprised I was.
Her hair, especially her hair, has changed a lot.
It used to be long and silky, but most of all, it used to be black.
Now, it was blond. And short. It made her look like a little like a guy but her skirt confirms her gender.
I didn't say anything at first because I thought it was best to not let know anyone who used to know me that I was there. It didn't take long before the other person just swings her head a little and everything just seemed to break down.
If I would've remembered the whole dialogue, it was something like this:
"..." this was me.
"...Eh?" this was her.
"..."
"...Eh?"
"..."
"...What are you doing here, Ma-kun?"
SHE REMEMBERED. God, that name stung. All the memories, most of them bad, came back like a rush. Realizing that I have no choice, I gave up.
"Studying,"
"SO YOU ARE MA-KUN!"
Oh God, the whole hall would've heard that if not for the commotion they are making themselves.
"Keep it down..."
"BUT. I mean, but what are you doing here? I thought you dropped out of school,"
"Yes, I did. Then, I continued my last 5 months somewhere else."
At this time, I was looking at her. She was inches away from my face, as usual. And she looks like she wants to meet my forehead and hit it straight on. Of course, as a guy, I would've stared down. You know, the chest area, but at that time I was too panicked to do anything. So, I looked at her the same way she looked at me, as usual. Her face was... as usual.
Oh the dialogue didn't end there.
"You look different, Ma-kun,"
"You too, Ma-chan,"
"...Ouch,"
"Indeed."
So she remembered things the same way I did, not surprising. But as she said, I changed. People do in time, especially when the person realized he's not good enough.
"You know, Ma-kun?"
"What, Ma-chan?"
"I was sad when you left,"
GOD, THAT STUNG.
"Yes, I was too,"
"You think I'm different too?"
"It seems so."
At this time, I was quite content to see her back. If not for all the bad memories, I would've been happy. So, she changed her appearance a bit but she still wear that skirt, not too long nor too short. Just right.
"Ma-kun?"
"Yes, Ma-chan?"
"You want to get back to the way we were?"
That question was compelling.
And then I thought. What was so different of me than back then? I was the same person, with the same name, with the same insane thoughts always scurrying around, the same voice, the same pattern of life, the same Ma-kun.
"You changed your hair colour,"
"...It's not permanent. Ma-kun, do you hate me?'
God, that stung the most.
"No, I don't, Ma-chan,"
"Then, why are you looking away?"
"Because I can see your cleavage, Ma-chan."
It was obvious as shit. And she was leaning towards me.
"I don't mind if it's you, Ma-kun,"
"But I do."
And that damn lecturer would HAVE to get in at that moment. Everyone hushed up and quieted down after some while. The same monotone lecture drooled on like water through my head. Meanwhile, all the thoughts of her previous question was flooding it. I knew I was an existentialist, always prodding on why I was there and what my life was for. And now another question rose up. Can a man really change from what he used to be? In my eyes, Ma-chan was the same long-haired, beautiful-faced, great-bodied, and cheerful as she used to be. Probably, in her eyes, I was the spiked-hair, grinning-faced, lean-bodied, and crazy as I used to be.
But now, only my appearance was different. My hair is sleek and combed, I had a serious face on, I was exercising and I was fitter, and my thoughts are controlled and civilized. It was the same with her, probably.
Like I said before, the day wasn't bad nor good. It was a fork in the road I thought I wasn't ever given again.
At the end of the lesson, we walked out together. It was never hand-in-hand because we never did got ahold of the 'romantic' type of relationship. Besides, we thought it was too boring for us.
"You know, Ma-chan,"
"...Yeah?"
I ruffled my hair and wore my used grin. It was nostalgic.
"In university, Ma-chan, they have these things called club, right, Ma-chan?"
She looked at me like I was a ghost.
"Hmm? What's the matter, Ma-chan? Are you sick? Hungry? Come on, let's have lunch, Ma-chan!"
She was back.
"But Ma-kun!"
"Yes, Ma-chan?!"
"They don't have a canteen here, Ma-kun!"
"Oh my! What kind of place is this?! What shall we do?!"
"What shall we do?!"
"Hmm..."
"Hmm..."
"That's it! Ma-chan, I have a car!"
"GASP! YOU DO? DO YOU HAVE A LICENSE TO DRIVE IT?"
Yes, she was shouting. People are looking at us. Then again, people used to look at us with those strange looks.
"...OF COURSE, I DO, MA-CHAN!"
"Wow, you're cool, MA-KUN!"
"Yes, yes, I am. Now, to the CAR!"
"Where's the key, Ma-kun?"
"...I left it in my room,"
"Oh. You mean, you left someone else's key to someone else's car, in someone else's room, don't you, MA-KUN?"
I love it when she knows what I'm thinking.
"...YES, EXACTLY! TO THE ROOM!"
"TO THE ROOM!"
Things happen after that. A lot of things. Much of them I don't remember doing, but they were there, in my brain.
And here I am, writing this down.
I don't knowasjodbijasbdfbfijbfbabsdaasd
"Ma-kun. What are you doing?"
"My diary, Ma-chan! I plan to publish it to the public when I finish,"
"But Ma-kun... Can you even publish diaries?"
"Of course, Ma-chan! Isn't that how that diary of some Anne whatever was published too?"
"Oh, you're right, Ma-kun!"
"Of course, I am, Ma-chan!"
"But, you know, Ma-kun... Don't you publish books before you die?"
"Of course, Ma-chan! What are you saying?!"
"But Anne whatever died before her diary was published,"
"...."
I didn't know that.
So entry number 0048 needs some adjustments.
But whatever.
People don't change. At least, not in other people's eyes.
As for the fork in the road, I took the sidewalk, with no relation to any road whatsoever. It was my choice.
Sincerely,
"That's a sweet story, Ma-kun," she looked down at what I'm writing. Her face was back with the smile and her eyes were the brightest thing I have ever seen. And she was making it obvious with her cleavage.
"Of course, it is, Ma-chan!" I replied.
"You know, Ma-kun?"
"Yes, Ma-chan?"
"I wasn't shouting. You were,"
"We both were shouting, Ma-chan! Now, what are you saying?"
I saw a single tear drop at the edge of those bright eyes. But then, it disappeared with a blink.
"Ma-chan! Hurry up! We gotta get this done before tomorrow!"
"Eh? What for, Ma-kun?"
"You forgot, Ma-chan?! For our club!"
"Oh yeah, Ma-kun! We were going to make up a club, right?!"
"Yes, Ma-chan!"
"But what's the name of the club, Ma-kun?!"
"..."
I'll think one up later. With the now short-haired, semi-blonde, beautiful-faced, great-bodied, and cheerful girl here beside me, I can do everything and anything.
No comments:
Post a Comment