Characters

Thank you, the 'other' person. Haha. Well, at least I know I'm not the only one typing things up. But to post it here, is to know that your posts has very slim chance they're going to be read. Write at your own risk. Here, you can say anything you want without any kind of judgement, because I know the people who read here do not have any judgement. Please continue on, because it feels lonely sometimes here.

    In the world of stories, imagination, the virtual world inside our heads, there will always be another you.  That you is the main character of so much things in life.  He sees what you see, and you talk to him, considering on how to judge the situation. Some of us discuss with him openly, some discreet,  and a lot others do not even realize it. But that one character that you ultimately wound up using in any kind of story, the one that you like the most, is you.

    I do not mean to brag or sound arrogant; I never did want anything of the sort. The feelings I've shown to other people makes them wary of me. Rest assured I found out about this a long time ago, and since then my parents have been the subject of my tests. Show a little bit of anger, and this happens. Show a little bit of excitement, and that happens. I adapt. When the situation demands excitement, I'll show it, albeit not keep it. So it has been for a long time. And I am adapting to the situation I'm in. The feelings you show to other people, is how other people will look at you.

    Thus, we reflect ourselves within our words. We use our own personal traits that we consider unique and special to template them into the main character, or a sub character that you seem really fond of.  These kinds of persona in your stories always seem to make an impact in the smallest way possible. Sometimes, the hero needs a push to do things, and you will provide him with it. Some other times, the world just need to realize that it's in danger, and you will give it danger. In our own ways, we are imagining who really want to be in the world. Most of the time, it is not who we are.

    In the stories that I've posted, its always present. The kind of person I want to be. A hero the world doesn't need. But most of the time, small things move that resilience in me. People who are popular, have many friends, who always seem to be on top of things. They always seem so happy and people appreciate them for that. The feelings they show, people like it. As for me, when I am being happy most of the time I'm with someone special, or when I am enjoying the day, or just simply because I've reminded myself of that day. There are only one person present besides me, and never with a whole crowd who would share such joy. The joy of opening a new game. The joy of finding a way to make a sword. The joy you have when you know there is only one person that will read this. Or two.

    If I tell you how many characters I have in my head, you will not believe it. The amount of person that I want to be, the feelings that I want to show. They manifest themselves into a character in a book, a story that who knows will be told or not. Even if they are written down, will people read them? Will people understand the things that a piece of imagination wrote? That is the fate that has been passed down to this blog. The entries left to dust and spiders, the feelings inside them rot till they turn to sand. I pity them. Indeed I do. I try to keep them alive, but day by day the voices crowd in my head, this spark inside my chest seem to overwhelm me. I cannot keep up. Some will die, some others hide.

    Fenrir, Ledge, L.E.G., Fate, Aegis, Tenji Nakamura, Hash, Jake Freelancer, Clerics Aceal, Howard, Rilzen, Alvuin, Andyanne, Lilith, Virtual, Abyss, Greed, Wrath, Michael, Kyle Wanderer, Garroth, Merc, Dean, Marcus, Fred, Vivian, The Doctor, The Lady, Raatul, The Ju Squad, Kotaro, Morphus, Jynx, Salokhnir, Greandal, Lust, Felix Haais, Michael Ragnarok, Captain Suleiman, Aisha, Brian White, Kaiser, Dee Dee, Viral, Ashe, Julius, The Sword Guy, Sword Bearer, Cursed Swordsman, The Merchant, Bazaar, Prince Jun, Hector, The Spy Company, Helgard, that gravity girl who plays the band, the other fire girl who plays the guitar, the water girl who leads as the vocal, Vector, Lynx.
So many people. So many voices. This does not include the ones who are yet to be named. They all demand a page in a story.

      I can go on to describe what I feel but it will take another 10 pages to do so. I am not good at explaining. How do you explain the sensation of ignorance when you are blessed with such gift and the anger that it has been given to you without the determination and the resilience in order keep said gift? Mix them up with a little bit of sadness and a little happy that I am useful in a way. And came the uselessness of such things. Simple people, simple feelings. Once, I would've given anything to be like that. Once.

    The world knows not the contents of my heart. It doesn't need to.