Lingered;Silence gets a website!

I'm so proud to declare that this blog has grown over the years.  It is filled with memories, both bad and good, and also the sour ones. It started small but I believed in those years back, I would come back here and write out my life however way I spend my time in the real world. Right now, this blog has captured some bittersweet memories of my life in words if not pictures.

    I had thought of getting a website of my own for a long time and blogspot has hooked me because of it's simplicity and also because it's free. I learned how to make things look a little bit more beautiful but God knows I'm not a very good stylist. At most, I can just alter the theme to my liking as you can see with the blog. But then I learned how to do things as I go along.

    Now, I don't want to post a lot of stuff. It's morning and I am not a morning person. Seeing as how the blog has grown, I've decided to give it a full website. I had a lot of time to choose my hosting site, my domain name and the price that goes with it. I've decided to go with Arvixe, as it's like one of the hosting sites that I can pay monthly instead of yearly, or two yearly as I don't really like to pay a huge sum of money at the first turn. As of now, every month I would have to pay around $7 or RM25 for the hosting site. The longer the duration of your service for single payment, the lower the rate goes. I would only have to pay $3.5 or RM12 - RM 15 if I would pa for a yearly duration but it all amounts up to $96 or RM300. So, that kind of money would save me for the long run but for now, I would just like to mess around with the site first.

    On the other hand, the host also gives me unlimited space, bandwidth and also a free domain for life as long as my subscription is renewed. So, I guess that gives me the best value for each dollar I give them. Also, they give a lot of options too. I decided to go with Joomla! not only because its what supervisor has told me to study about but based on the review I read, Joomla requires a bit of development knowledge and more customization than Wordpress. I think that suits me the best.

    So, there you go. This blog will still be here but for now, the official site will be

lingeredsilence.com

   As of now, it's still in development (nothing posted yet, I'm still tweaking with the settings) but in the future I hope I can make it beautiful and a place where a lot of people can read my work and offer me comments and criticism. 

    Oh yeah. Anything produced in that site, or by me, will now be called a Lingered;Silence Production. I doubt that there's anyone else with that name but hey, if you do, just tell me and I could change it to something else.

    Also, I've been thinking about a logo for the website and also for me. I know for Silence that it has something to do with papers and serenity but for me? I don't know.

    This isn't a story but just a notification.

    I've been looking at recording software available out there.  I've been trying to get information on which one is the best, if it's free and have good quality, even better. Some applications, such as FRAPS and D3D, have a trial account but very limited to it's functions.  FRAPS trial can only record for 30 seconds and I haven't dare to try D3D yet because of the huge download size. So far, the one that I can take into consideration is OBS, Open Broadcaster Software.

    OBS sounds like a streaming software, for things like Twitch I would guess? But it has a recording option, and so far it has worked good. But I haven't try it yet in a real gaming environment. OBS is open source, meaning the source codes are available to anyone for any customization. But OBS is also of mediocre quality, meaning the interface is good, the output file is good, everything seems to be in order. A lot of people seems to use it, some professionals use it too.

    I'm just typing this down here so that in the future, if my older self ever try to take up this thing again, he would know that OBS had been his first choice.

    I'm trying to record something, something simple to begin with (it can even record the monitor, for example) but I want try it on a heavy gaming environment like FFXIV so that I can know if my laptop can handle it.

    Even if it's just i7 3rd gen, with GT635m, not even GT680 or something, I think my laptop can record it.  The one that I'm worried about is compiling.  I've tried once before. The compilation took well over 2 hours for a video of some ~100MB size.

    

It isn't about doing something all over again that makes it boring.

It's the feeling that you have done it again successfully where you think you're going to fail again.

I get jealous when I see people hanging out with lots of people around them, their faces smiling with friends surrounding. Happy faces enjoying the day, their social life so full of life and happiness.

Meanwhile, I'm in my room working my ass off to get my Zodiac Zeta. Three more mahatmas and I get it. In Eorzea, I am a Warrior of Light, and also a female. But genders don't really matter ingame as far as look go and in the end, what matters in there is how much you swing your axe, where you hit it, and of course... how you hit it.

This is a rant.

Social life is not one of my strongest points. Talking to strangers is never one of my strongest points. Sure, I can answer you if you ask me for directions and I know the way but if you expect me to take pictures of a friend's gathering, hanging out together in social places, you're going to be sorely disappointed. There are times when I feel I should change this, but then talking isn't just one of my strength. 

Some people I know, hell a lot of people I know, not necessarily acquiantance or friends, they are easily likable by the masses. They are an attraction by themselves. If you hold a party or some sort of plan, that guy has to be there or the whole thing feels unfinished and not merry. I envy these people because they are talkative, smart, friendly and overall a very comfortable person to be with. 

And of course they are people like me. Other people avoid me. They'd rather not go out of their way to interact with me because of unknown reasons. Some obvious ones are actually quite, well, obvious. I don't talk much. I answer either yes or no. I rarely bring up any personal stuff like, what did you eat yesterday or what are you going to do in the holidays. When I do, it feels too awkward for me and the person and I just stop. Sure, I can hold a conversation about say, studies, some stuff that the person and I find interesting together or say, you want to talk to me about this project. I can do that, no problem. But beyond that professional barrier, I'm as talkative as a tree.

But being this person and looking at the opposite side of my own attributes, I can see that some of us are just meant to be the merry man and some are just meant to sit there and be quiet. Because deep down, I know that I have a lot of weaknesses and my strengths aren't what you would call something that you can pinpoint the first moment you see me. They are people out there that if you meet once, you feel happy with him or her because they keep you being merry and they are people who you need to get to know very well in order to see what he's really like. 

I'm sure that each of us turn out like what we are not just because of our upbringing, some people had advantages talking to more important people to boost their self-esteem, but also because we are who we are. We are meant to be like this, and if you can't hold a conversation too long or you are just too shy becoming someone you like to be, that is because we are who we are. Self-esteem aside, shy people has got enough confidence to be in conversation but our answers will be short and to the point. 

If you ask me what I did yesterday, I would say the usual stuff. Exactly those words, yes.

If you ask some of my merry acquaintance, expect to add a friend to your friend list.

What I want to say is, I've been in a lot of groups, both offline and online, and although some members of the groups are people who would brighten up the day, there are those who sit in the middle and prefer to be quiet.

We aren't shy. We are just quiet. 

Short story

    One day a farmer shows up at the market. He was carrying some vegetables, a couple of chickens in a locked container, and a big clay pot filled with white milk. He set his stall in a seemingly peaceful corner and began to spread a cloth on the ground to put up his wares. After done so, he sat back and began to cry out towards the milling crowd.

    The wares that he was selling was decently priced and the vegetables look fresh, albeit looks quite weary from the travel and the warm weather. But they look better than some stalls located near. The milk was not sour and was sold for a price per cup. The chickens were the priciest of them all but not the most expensive in the market. The farmer makes full profit from all of this. He cried out more for the crowds to buy his wares.

    Then, a woman came with her husband trailing behind. The woman was decently dressed like a villager, came to the central city for the market. The husband was gloomy faced and looked weary from all the walking. The woman asked the farmer about the wares with a stern face. The farmer smiled and told her the prices. A shilling for a full basket of vegetables, a shilling and a half for a full chicken, slaughtered or not, and 3 pence for a cup of milk. The woman frowned and said that the vegetables were too steeply priced and walked off, with the husband behind.

    The farmer was confused at this. A whole basket of vegetables is a lot of vegetables. But maybe the woman was right. He looked at the wares and saw that some of them have begun to look not so very fresh. He decided to lower the price per basket to half a shilling, or 5 pence. He began to rearrange the vegetables so that the crowd would see the fresher ones above.

    After that, a man garbed in expensive clothes came to his stall. Behind him, a servant garbed in a black suit followed with his head bowed. The farmer thought that he was a merchant by the looks of him. The merchant leaned forward and inspected the chickens. He asked the price for one full chicken. The farmer said it was a shilling and a half for one. The merchant looked stunned at this and began to beckon to his servant. The servant folded out a piece of yellow paper and showed it to the merchant. He inspected it thoroughly with sharp eyes. Then he fished out a big purse and took out 6 shillings. The man said that he would buy 4 chickens. The farmer agreed on that and asked if he wanted them slaughtered. The merchant replied no and he wanted them fresh. The farmer agreed and gave the merchant the chickens in another container with 6 shillings in hand.

    When the merchant went off though, he could hear his loud whisper that the chickens were nice and healthy but to sell at one and a half shilling is either foolishness or the man knows not of trading for profits. The farmer was confused at this. He looked at the shillings and then at the chickens. The chickens clucked. He thought that the price was already steep but he guessed that the chickens were quite healthy. He fed them everyday and take good care of them. He pushed the shillings into his pocket and decided the next time someone asked, the chickens would be 2 shillings.

    Just after that thought, an old woman appeared. She was in rags and a pair of kids trailed behind her, looking just as dirty and ragged. The woman looked at the vegetables longingly and asked the farmer what was the price for them. The farmer took pity on them and said, it only costs 1 pence for half a basket. The woman frowned. Then she saw the big pot. She asked how much is the milk for a cup? The farmer said it was 3 pence for a cup. The beggar woman frowned again. Then one of the kids pulled onto her dirty sleeve and asked if they are going to eat anything today. The farmer fought back his tears and took up a basket, filled it with some of the fresh vegetables and handed it to the beggar woman. The woman was shocked and refused to take it because they had no money to pay for them. The farmer said it wasn't a purchase, it was a gift. The woman wiped away some tears in her eyes and took it with a thousand thank yous trailing behind.

    After the woman went away, the previous village woman came back. This time the farmer saw that the still gloomy husband was carrying a basket full of food and vegetables with some jars of milk. The village woman saw the beggar walked away with a basket full of fresh vegetables and demanded the farmer the price he sold her those food. The farmer said they were free and a gift to the old lady. The village woman turned red and demanded he should do the same to her because she was a hard woman too in a hard life! But when she saw only the wilted vegetables are left, she changed her mind and demanded a "gift" in the form of 5 cups of free milk. The farmer was shocked. The woman pushed him even more while her husband struggled to keep straight from the weight of the filled basket.

    At that moment, the merchant from before came but his servant wasn't there. Instead, trailing behind him like a herd of sheep were several other better clothed men and women. They were other merchants as well and silk draped over some of their clothes. The merchant ignored the angry woman and stood before the farmer. He asked how much does he sell the chickens. This time, the farmer said it was 2 shillings per chicken. The merchant was taken a aback. He said to the farmer that the chickens were cheaper when he bought them. The farmer said that the chickens were healthy and fine so he decided to increase the price. The merchant fumed and turned towards his other colleagues. They was a heated discussion and then the merchant turned towards him again. He said if he decreases the price to 1 shilling, he will take all of the chickens at that moment. The other merchants agreed, nodding their heads behind him.

    Meanwhile, the woman was chucking her waist and demanded that she should be given those milk because of her hard life. The farmer said that she looked quite well considering she already has a lot of food. The woman said that the food was her provision for the entire week and it will be hard for the rest of the month. The merchant looked at the woman below his nose and snorted, mumbling about poor management and servant life. Luckily the woman was so angry she didn't hear it. The merchant demanded again about the chickens and this time said that if he doesn't decrease the price, he would not be allowed at the market anymore, with a smirk on his face. The farmer gulped down and said to the merchant that he won't be making any profit if that's the case.

    The merchant retaliated that he is a farmer. For a farmer to live, he doesn't need that much profit now does he? The farmer thought that yes, he didn't really need all that much money. All he had is a small little farmland and a healthy wife back home. Who needs more than that? But they could use a new barn, this old one looked like it would be torn off if there's a few strong gusts and they could use a proper feather bed. His back aches whenever he got up from his hay bed. And he knows that his wife doesn't really like it either. So, he said to the merchant that he can buy them at the normal price of 1 and a half shilling. The merchant thought about this and slightly turned towards his colleagues. They nodded a bit and the merchant smiled and said deal.

    So the merchant and his herd of little human sheep walked away happily with a couple of chickens. The farmer pushed 6 more shillings down his pocket and faced the angry woman. The woman demanded once more for free milk but this time she added that for making her wait, he would have to give the rest of the vegetables too! The farmer sighed and said that he would sell the milk for 1 pence a cup and the vegetables are free for her. After all, the vegetables looked bad now. The woman said the milk will have to be free as well or she would complain to the merchants guild and he would be kicked from the market. The farmer sighed and gave up. He took 5 cups of milk and gave it to her and the rest of the vegetables were quickly put on top of the over-encumbered basket. After that she stormed off without a word.

    In the end, the farmer turned towards the rest of the milk in the pot. There was only a quarter left and decided that it would serve for tonight's drink. He turned towards the cow, unhooked it and walked off towards his home. On the way back, he counted that he made 12 shillings today. If he had sold for the price he decided, his profit would be about 16 shillings. The profit today would be used for his home maintanence and if there's any left, he would buy some much-needed blankets, thin as they would come. He sighed and decided that the next time he wanted to give something for free, or bargain for something, he would have to be prepared that some would take advantage of it.

Moral of the story: You can't make everyone happy. If you do, you won't be.